Bound by Blood
by Reijilie
Summary: Leah has two options.Jake, the object of her infatuation or Embry, the one she used in Jakes place.Between the announcement of Embry's real father,a battle,the death of two brothers and a tramatic event,this story is rated M for a reason.Lemon.Post NM,AU.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** So much for taking some time before the next story. I'm going to trial the first few chapters so I can gauge the love for an Embry/Leah/Jake story. I can end it early or draw it out a bit longer. Feedback is always appreciated :)

--- --- ---

**Embry's POV**

My eyes were burning a bright orange behind the heavy lids. It was morning already. Resisting a return to the inviting world of sleep I forced my legs to hang off the side of the bed. I had run patrol last night, returning no more then two hours ago. I tried to be home before mom left for work each day. She had enough theories on how I spent my nights deliberately disobeying her 'grounding' orders. She had given up issuing them months ago. Every morning that I came out of my bedroom she looked relieved to see I was alive. The nights of worry had strained our relationship though and she could barely talk to me. It had always been just us as the men in her life had managed to let her down constantly. Sadly I was now no exception.

I closed my bedroom door quietly behind me but as I walked to the bathroom I made my usual point of being extra loud, allowing her to prepare herself for my presence. This was easier then seeing the emotions written on her face when on an off day I surprised her. The relief was soon followed by the familiar disappointment that I dreaded. Unfortunately I had to speak to her today so I gave her extra time to prepare. As I walked into the kitchen she had the cereal and milk out on the table as usual. Our breakfast routine was planned to allow for as little communication as possible. We barely acknowledged one another and I sat down to fill my bowl. There was genuine surprise in her eyes when I opened my mouth to speak.

"Mom" I started. My voice seemed piercing in the uncomfortable silence "I'm picking up some extra hours at work so I won't be home till late now". I hoped that the lie sounded more convincing then it did in my head.

Billy Black had organised some labour work for me through a family friend. I had finished school a year ago now and needed a job with flexible hours. Working12pm to 6pm allowed me to sleep through the morning once mom left for work. If I missed a shift I could pick it up by working a full day. It was perfect for me and the money wasn't bad either. Unfortunately this wasn't the reason I would be missing out on our dinners together. The truth was they had become unbearable. When she could stand to look at me I felt like she was on the verge of tears. I couldn't handle it anymore and had finally come up with a plan to avoid the awkward evening ritual.

"Ok" She replied, her voice now matched her disappointed face. I swallowed hard reminding myself that I was doing this for her. The nightly meal was worse then our breakfasts together and that was when I actually showed up. We ate in silence and she excused herself after only another two bites of her toast. Today would be one of the days she was early to work again.

As I cleared the table I heard the door close, confirming my last thought. I had to keep saving, I needed to move out. I had to focus on working so I could get my own place and stop hurting her. I was old enough now, school being behind me and all. It really was time to move on. Another couple of months, that's all I needed, another couple of months. The old car's engine roared outside and the sound began soften as it took off up the street.

As usual I headed back to my room with a few pieces of toast and a glass of juice in hand. As usual I opened the door a fraction to see if she was still in my bed and as usual she was. The white sheet that barely covered her lower half had exposed her toned, golden brown back. The morning was warm and combined with her body heat her skin glistened with a light coating of perspiration. I lingered, taking in the sight but as I closed the door behind me she stirred. Her body turned in my direction as she stretched her arm behind her. Her left breast was now fully visible and I felt my heart rate almost double.

"Ahh, toast Em? Can't you guys whip up some pancakes every now and again?"

"Can't you ever be grateful Leah? Just once?" She sulked now and snatched the toast from the plate I offered her as if she was offended. She wasn't, it was impossible to offend Leah. Offense was an emotion and she needed a heart to have an emotion.

I sat down next to her as she got crumbs in my bed. Not that it mattered to her, she knew I wouldn't say anything. I never said anything. I let her get away with whatever she wanted because I was an idiot. Leah had no feelings for me. I was just something to pass the time. Unfortunately my heart was against my better judgement and over the last year I had managed to fall in love with her. It was about as close to idiocy as I got and yet I couldn't help it. I often wondered what was more pathetic that I knew she didn't love me or that I thought I could change her mind. If the past year was any indication it was never going to happen. That is why I was an idiot, because I was in love with someone who didn't love me and I didn't even have denial as an excuse.

Leah was in love though. Her love was almost as pathetic as mine. She was in love with Jacob Black. The same Jacob Black that was an empty, emotionless shell. The same Jacob Black that barely spoke, that followed any order Sam barked at him and that had deliberately put himself in mortal danger more then once now. Since Bella's death, a drowning accident after falling from a cliff, Jacob had gone catatonic. He was able to function now, almost two years later but his soul had left his body. The evidence was in his dead black eyes. Two years and almost no improvement. We all knew he blamed himself and none of us liked to run with him. Sometimes the emotions were so overwhelming I'd have nightmares for days and other times he ran without a thought in his head which was equally as worrying. And yet Leah somehow managed to fall for him. I figure she has a hero complex, ready to swoop in and save Jacob restoring him to his former self. Although I would almost pay to see that. I desperately missed my best friend.

Leah had finished eating now and was rubbing her slightly dirty hands through my hair. I knew what she wanted, it was the same every morning and yet I gave it to her. I turned to meet her large soft lips as I placed my hand on the back of her neck. She began to sit up letting the rest of the sheet fall to her knees. Her body was unnaturally perfect with her flawless complexion, a gift that all of the pack shared. Although she ate almost as much as her pack brothers her physic was perfectly toned while still being curvy. She had the kind of body girls requested from their personal trainers and all she had to do was dedicate her existence to protection of the tribe. It was far from an even trade.

Leah's lips were trailing down my chest now and although I could feel the familiar tension begin to build inside of me I suddenly wanted to be anywhere but here. The short high the sex gave me was nothing compared to the bitter low afterwards and I wasn't sure I could take that today. Her hands moved inside my pants and I leapt off the bed while she stared into my eyes hungrily.

"No, Leah just... not today ok. I need to get some rest"

The rejection stung her. She wasn't used to being put in her place, especially not by me. After the morning with mom, the late night on patrol and the thought of her infatuation for Jacob I really just wanted to sleep for the next week straight. I wanted to do anything but think.

Leah got up and grabbed her dress from the floor. She stormed out of my room without putting it on and a moment later I heard the front door slam. Why did I do this to myself? Why did I let her do this to me? I need help. As I lay back down on the bed that smelled like Leah I tried to sleep, hoping I could lose a few hours of the day by being unconscious. I wasn't so lucky though and thoughts of Leah's rejected face were flashing through my mind. Surely she'd be back. She could hold a grudge and all but what we had was enough to sustain a little fight. Then again what did we have? It was pretty one sided from where I sat.

My alarm went off announcing it was 11:30am already. Great, I spent the morning pining over Leah. I was obviously a masochist. As I got up I wondered if I should still go to her house party tonight or just stay at home and saw off my arm. It would probably be less painful. But I knew I would go, I had to see her to make sure we were ok. Maybe on the way to grab Jacob I would be hit by a comet or something. Wishful thinking.

--- --- ---

**Disclaimer:** Twilight is Stephenie Meyers *sigh*


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:**No love for Emby? Time to try Leah. For a pic of Leah's dress see my profile.

**--- --- ---**

**Leah's POV**

_Argh, sometimes he made me so fucking mad! I was there for him after all. He was the one that was into me. I made it clear that this was a no strings attached deal, what teenage boy doesn't want that? And why did he have to be all emotional all the time? Argh, so annoying. He's worse then a freaking chick, I swear..._

I left my shoes behind during my dramatic exit. The loose gravel below my feet just adding to my foul mood. We'd been doing the 'fuck buddy' thing on and off for a year now. When Sam assigned Embry to run his patrols with me the kid almost had a panic attack. For the first few nights he concentrated so hard on the most ridiculous things, the lyrics to the national anthem as well as country names in alphabetical order, that I almost tore off his back legs hoping to put an end to it. He tried to quit it, knowing how much I hated it, when he accidentally let slip why he was concentrating so hard. He was past crushing on me and well and truly into infatuation. In his eyes I was beautiful and my bitchy comments came off as almost playful. It would be impossible to show him that I really was just a bitch when he found all of my flaws endearing.

It took me a few nights at first to figure out what I was going to do about it. Jacob was the one I really wanted but he was as close to a zombie as possible since _her_ funeral. It had been a while since anyone had shown any real interest in me which was how I had wanted it. I made sure they all saw me as an annoying sister type as to avoid any awkward romantic dramas. But Embry, the clueless kid, he was a glutton for punishment. I know now that I should've just asked Sam to swap running buddies but instead I decided to let him get to third base, hoping this was enough to satiate him. Of course it backfired and made him even worse to be around. He was like a puppy that never wanted to leave my side. I had to admit the touch of a man again, although not Jacob, was pretty good. And so I set up the rules.

1. No strings, no emotions. Just sex.

2. Tell anyone about this and you're dead, they're dead and their families are dead

3. Never, ever let Jacob know.

They seemed to work. I suspected he had made Quil his confidant, a good choice because he never showed any sign of knowledge. The first eight months went fine. He was very willing to please and I was proud of how quickly he picked up on things. His future girlfriends had a lot to thank me for. But over the last few months he started to become too emotionally involved. He tried to talk, to get me to open up. The kid didn't understand that there was nothing _to_ open. I was pretty easy to read now, everything inside was empty. Just how I wanted it.

The only thing that gave me anything close to an emotion was thinking about Jacob. I don't know why, he was so broken I guess. So far past repair. She hadn't even loved him and yet he acted like he lost his soul mate. She wasn't, I knew that. She belonged with the bloodsucker. He was convinced they were both sharing eternity together in the afterlife as the leech had committed suicide not long after she passed. We all saw how ashamed he was that he didn't have the 'courage' to do what her vampire had. I tried to tell him that suicide was a coward's way out and that facing life was what a real man did but of course he only pretended to listen. He went to the cliff top every night and threw a flower into the water below. Sometimes I would wait there for him and he would put his arm around my shoulders while resting his chin on my head. It was the only thing that got my empty heart racing and although I was there under the guise of a supportive pack sister I knew my motives were more selfish then anything else.

Thinking of Jacob helped dilute the anger that Embry had caused and I realised I was now within five minutes from home. It was probably best that I left early as I needed some reast before the party tonight. Our Clearwater house parties had become a fixture of late. Mom was so guilty for all the time she was spending with Chief Swan that she let Seth and I do pretty much whatever we wanted. She spent a lot of time in Forks with him. They had bonded after both losing a loved one within only weeks of one another and over the last year they were almost inseparable. I really didn't care deep down, my mother was an amazing woman and deserved to be happy. Unfortunately my hardened face and lack of supportive comments seemed to give her the wrong impression and I was sure that some of her time in Forks was spend avoiding Seth and me.

I grabbed the spare key from under the doormat and opened the front door. Wondering if Mom was out already I called out her name. Nothing. She usually left for Charlies as early as she could and stayed the nights of our parties knowing I could handle any trouble that might start. There was a note confirming her whereabouts as well as a fridge full of all ready prepared party food for the guys. Sometimes she was too good to us. I yawned as I contemplated cooking up a real breakfast but decided that a good nap was more important as I walked towards my room. The real reason for these soirees was because it got Jacob out of the house at least once a month and I needed my beauty rest if I was going to put on my best temptress act.

I lay my head on the soft pillows completely free of my anger at Embry. Thinking of Jake did that and I couldn't help but be excited about the new dress I was planning on wearing tonight. If it didn't dezombify him nothing would. I drifted to sleep with the thought of Jakes opened mouth stare in my head. A smile on my lips.

--- --- ---

I'm not going to lie, it took me 2 hours to get ready. I started with a long hot shower washing my hair while taking care of some personal grooming. I shaved in anticipation of getting lucky. It was highly unlikely but it still gave me a little bit of hope as I did it. Every inch of me was exfoliated and smelling like coconut body wash. My hair took the longest though. I was well overdue for a hair cut and it fell to my waist. I curled the bottom into loose ringlets brushing my fingers through as if to pretend I hadn't gone to too much trouble. My makeup was next and I kept it simple with some black liquid liner and mascara. Lastly a nude lip and a light touch of blush and I was ready to get changed. The dress I had was like a second skin and unfortunately required I go sans underwear. The white lycra blend clung in all the right places leaving nothing to the imagination. If it did the low, strapless sweetheart neck line took care of that. It made my skin look a deep rich brown though and the whites of my eyes vivid and bright. It was a show stopper for sure.

As I headed out to set up for the party Seth and his friend Brady sat on the couch. The look on Brady's face was priceless, poor kid. Seth jumped up in a second holding the couch cover in his hand. Its removal had left Brady on the ground, not that he noticed.

"_Leah! You look like your naked"_ he hissed at me in a whisper.

"Oh grow up Seth, I do not. The dress practically goes down to my kne.. ah mid thigh." A stupid reply for a stupid argument. Hell if the dress was the same colour as my skin even I'd think I was naked.

"Please Lee, put on a cardigan or something. If Mom saw what you were wearing or even dad..." He knew he had me. He always knew what to say to get me to buckle. Damn protective little brother.

"Ok, ok" I promised as I made my way to the bedroom. I grabbed a red cardigan knowing that the second the first guest arrived it would be taken straight off. At least his friend would be able to take the cushion off of his lap for now.

I had copious amounts of alcohol and food at the ready. I started the music early while preparing the place to fit about twenty to thirty guests. Seth took all of five minutes to change shirts and gel his hair. Compared with the two hours it took me to look naked it was almost embarrassing. It was 9pm and the first guests would be arriving any second. Embry was usually in pretty early, which meant Jake wouldn't be far behind. I poured myself a vodka cranberry as I waited anxiously. And then the doorbell rang.

--- --- ---

**Disclaimer:** Twilight is all Stephenie Meyer


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N****: **B & E are dead so we're obviously in a whole other world here but some stuff will seem OOC. Still in Leah's POV, again really not a story for the kids.

--- --- ---

"You did not, you're so full of yourself" I accused as I tapped Jared on the nose playfully. My flirting was obviously forced but thankfully he was too drunk to notice. He, like most of the other guys here tonight, had been trying to monopolise my time with lame bragging stories. Each had used their height at an advantage to look down my low cut neckline, disguising their stares less and less as the night wore on. They thought I was too wasted to notice but I was actually pretty sober. Being drunk was the perfect excuse to lose your inhibitions. This allowed me the opportunity to say or do things I normally wouldn't. It meant that if I tried a move on Jacob it was as drunk Leah and if drunk Leah got rejected sober Leah would conveniently be suffering from alcohol induced memory loss the next day.

So far I had kept my distance from Jake. I wanted him to get the full view of my skin tight dress while I flirted with every guy that paid me attention. Both he and Embry were sitting on the couch, eyes locked on me all night. They both looked away when I tried to make eye contact. Quil was currently trying to distract them with a story that involved large hand gestures but it didn't seem to be working. I smiled to myself. _That was definitely_ _a good sign_. Then Jared's voice snapped me back into reality.

"No really, they were grizzly's too. I had them down in about 1 minute flat". He was so proud of that story. I knew because it was about the sixth time I'd heard it. I indulged him though giving my audience a show. Quil had changed his tact, raising his voice this time to get the attention he wanted. I could see the two boys changing their posture to lean in towards the conversation between Jared and I. Revelling in the moment I continued my little hard-to-get act and flirted right back with the big lug.

"Wow, I don't think I could've taken down _one_ in that time. Grizzly's are too big for me" I noticed my back was now against the wall that was previously a good 3 feet away. I'd been walking backwards as he continued to lean in. His hand lifted to the side of my face as he used the wall to support his body weight. He was too close for my liking.

"Really? I don't know. You're pretty strong when you want to be Leah. I'm sure you could take down something big if you put your mind to it." His lips formed into a drunken smirk as he attempted to wink at me, blinking instead.

_Was that a pick up line?_ I thought. I had let this go too far. Suddenly the little knight in shinning armour came riding up to save me. I had wondered what would come first, his glare finally burning a hole in the back of Jared's head or growing a pair and coming to my rescue.

"Leah, can you show me where you keep the, ah...ice? You're running low". It was a pretty crappy save but it did the job. I excused myself with Jared about an inch away from my face.

"The ice Embry? I keep it in the oven of course." My voice thick with sarcasm "You're just lucky Jared is too wasted to be paying attention". He just saved me and I was being a bitch. Sounded about right.

"Whatever Leah." He brushed off the whole Jared thing but his tone sounded desperate. He clearly had something to say. Probably about that stupid fight this morning _Jeez he could be such a chick... _"Look are we ok? After today and all, I just...." It was horrible but I stopped listening to him. Jake was looking at me, _really looking_ at me and my cheeks began to burn. Quil was still trying to distract him as his eyes switched between us. It wasn't working though, he was focused. I felt that nervous energy that only Jake gave me as it gathered in my chest. Embry's voice bought me out of my school girl freak out "...so that's why. It's nothing against you and I'd hate for this to ruin any..."

"Em, its fine babe" I said as I put my finger to his lips. The only way to shut him up was to be overly nice, a rarity for me but I could blame it on the drink if I needed to. He perked up instantly and moved to hug me when I shot him a warning look. That was too far. He backed off but kept that impish grin on his face. I smiled at him, indicating this conversation was done as I made my way to Jacob. Sam was watching me disapprovingly from the back of the room. The new Mrs Uley had equal contempt in her eyes. As neither had any idea of my intentions for Jacob they both thought that my house parties were an attention seeking stunt, probably for revenge or something juvenile. This show was all for Jacob though and I couldn't let them get to me.

I approached the couch where he sat and pretended to misjudge the distance, landing in his lap. His body was so warm and I placed my hand on his chest to stable myself. He quickly scooped me up and placed me next to him, an uncomfortable distance away. I pretended not to notice.

"Oops, sorry Jakey" I giggled in my best drunken yet virginal voice. I realised the look I had mistaken as intensity was actually anger and suddenly that girlish giddiness disappeared. Sober Leah would've taken off then but drunken Leah decided to use her free pass. "What's wrong? You don't like my party?" my voice was almost nauseatingly high as I leaned into him.

"Leah, why are you doing this?" his direct question startled me. Quil took that as his queue to leave which gave me cause for concern. I kept in character though.

"Doing what? Having fun? Cos its Friday and it's a Clearwater house party and..." he cut me off. I couldn't tell if he wasn't buying the act or if he was harbouring some resentment towards me.

"No Leah, why are you parading yourself around like a piece of meat for these guys to slobber over? You've been in most of their heads, you know how they see pretty girls like you. Why are you letting them…"

"God Jake I swear if you start talking about objectification of women and shit I'll..." _Damn it _I needed to regain my composure.

"I mean, I just, I'm having fun. You should try it once in a while." He moved to get up.

"I can't just sit here and watch you put yourself on display like that. I thought...I thought you had more class Leah". He pulled his hood over his head and walked towards the front door.

The words burned in my throat and as I felt the acid rise I thought I would be physically sick._ He thought I had no class? This was all a show for him and he thought I was some piece of trash that slutted up for anyone? _The thumping music suddenly became too loud and I needed to get away. I moved to retreat to my room looking for Embry. I knew he wouldn't reject me and a quick fuck would keep me from a complete emotional breakdown. As I scanned the room a third time I realised he was no where in sight. _Damn it, just when I want him to be here_ I thought as I felt two strong arms reach around my waist.

"So you wanna let me show you how I took down those two bears?" It was Jared. I sighed. With one last scan for Embry I retreated into my drunk girl character quickly blinking back the building tears.

"Sounds good to me, how about we move into my room?" He looked stunned for a second, then that smirk was back. _Excellent, he probably thinks his lame pick up story got him in _. He was just in the right place, right time. Nothing else. As we entered my dimly lit bedroom he started removing my dress. In honesty it felt good, the lycra blend against my hot skin mixed with a small amount of alcohol had me on fire the whole night. I finished removing it all too eagerly, unintentionally encouraging Jared even further. He stumbled as he flicked his shoes off and removed his clothes. Then there he was in all his glory, socks and all. A pet hate of mine. He was already at full attention though, partly due to the surprise of my lack of underwear, partly my accidental encouragement. As he stood before me I noticed that he wasn't nearly as big as Embry. If I wasn't in such a shitty mood I would've laughed.

I knew this would be over soon enough as his busy hands moved over every inch of my flesh. He lowered me on the bed in a furry of sloppy drunken kisses and placed himself just above my entrance. I had no desire for foreplay right now anyway so this would do. I nodded at him, allowing him to enter me and he did with such force I was glad I wasn't still a virgin. He slowed his pace as he took in my not-too-impressed face. Then the groans came. He was definitely a groaner. As he moved they got louder and I found my hand trying to cover his mouth. Then, the reason I never did anything with Embry at my place came back to me. The headboard. It was so loud as it threatened to take out my entire wall. But Jared was lost completely in himself. I tried to help by moving my hands up and down his back, gripping his ass cheeks firmly but this seemed to just distract him so I lay in wait, hand covering his mouth, while I tried to fit a pillow between the wall and the head board.

Suddenly the door flung open and a figure I couldn't see gasped. The bright light behind him temporarily blinded me. I freaked out but Jared the idiot reached his climax as he moaned my name at the top of his lungs. I wanted to die as the door slammed close. It was one of the boys but I wasn't sure who. As I pushed Jared off of me all I could do was pray that it wasn't Jacob.


	4. Chapter 4

**EPOV **

I was bent over the garden, throwing up what felt like my entire insides. My legs had buckled at some point and now all I could feel was the damp earth seeping through my jeans. The image of that jerk climaxing on top of Leah ran through my head. The five seconds on continuous play felt like I had been standing there for hours. My memory was now in slow motion, elongating each syllable as he screamed her name. Lightening fast reflexes be damned, it still took me what felt like an eternity to close the door on the scene. When I turned around I saw the faces of the other party goers. Some were amused, some were stunned and some, like Sam's, were angry. He and few others left then and there. I would've gone with them but the room started to spin as the stale scent of beer and sex began to smother me. I burst outside craving the fresh air and took refuge in a quiet part of the garden. My body was trying to purge the scene from my mind as my stomach emptied below me.

Quil was at my side although I had no idea how long he had been standing there for. He began hitting my back awkwardly as a show of support. I knew he wasn't going to hug me and tell me it was alright but this really wasn't helping. I took the glass of water he offered and swirled it around my mouth before spitting it out. His face was trying to be sympathetic but I could see a hint of I-told-you-so in the way he furrowed his brow.

"Yeah I know. I bring this shit on myself" Well I did. There was no point in pretending. Leah made the rules clear and if she wanted to hook up with someone else then she could. I don't know why she chose Jared of all people. I had liked him before. We weren't any closer then pack brothers but I had respect for the guy and all. Now everything that made him who he was had my skin crawling. His loud voice, his annoyingly friendly attitude and even the time he gave me girl advice added to my nausea. I was being petty and stupid but I didn't care. Quil helped me up as he gripped my shoulder.

"You really need to find a normal girl Em, I know she keeps it loose so if you imprint you guys can just cut it off but you've gone way too far with this. I..I don't like what its doing to you." He was just being a good friend but it was about the last thing I wanted to hear. It wasn't his fault though so I tried to summon my best "I'm ok" half smile as I removed my shoes.

"You going for a run?" I took it as a statement rather then a question. I needed to be out of this body. I started walking towards the woods removing my clothes as I went. Once they were secured around my leg I phased and ran through the night. I tried to think of anything but Leah and occasionally I succeeded. The fresh air after a recent rainfall intensified the scent of the woods which helped me to focus on what was around me. I concentrated on the sound of my melodic footsteps and ran using all the negative energy that I could.

--- --- ---

As quickly as the morning broke the evening soon followed. With another morning fast approaching I knew I couldn't keep this up for long. Trying to block out my thoughts of Leah made my head feel like it was in a vice. The fact that mom would be worried sick at my sudden disappearance didn't help either. I began the return home, having no idea where I now was. All I knew was I was at least a day away so I doubled my pace. I was exhausted and had stopped only to drink. My paws hit the ground with enough force to leave a dust trail behind me. Regardless my stamina was depleting and I could feel my legs shake slightly as I ran. An early sign of fatigue. Had I been in my whole mind I would've stopped to rest but I was afraid of what would happen if I did. I wasn't ready to return to the instant replay yet so I scanned my mind for something else to think of.

My pack brothers had made no attempt to follow me which was proof they knew more then they let on. Only Quil knew the specifics of my relationship with Leah as I was careful to suppress any memories or thought of us. My emotions however were a lot harder. I often felt jealous when Sam assigned her to run with Jacob and I would feel worried when he put her in any kind of danger. She would snarl at me so I could get it under control but by then it was too late.

I was well into nightfall now but I knew I was close when the familiar scent La Push hit my nose. And then, confirming this, I heard Sam.

"Embry, are you alright?" He was using his alpha voice. I must have been far if he couldn't drop in to check on me.

"Yeah I'm fine. I just needed some time…." That train of thought was dangerous so I left it there.

"I thought as much. We've been waiting for your return. I have an announcement and I need the whole pack present. Gather anyone you can and meet me at the Cliff tops as soon as possible" He stopped but started again "actually don't worry about gathering anyone, I'll handle it. You should check in with you mom first". Sam definitely knew more then he let on. "Oh and make sure you're all human when I get their. I need you all out of my head when I make my announcement". Then he was gone. I decided to head straight for the Cliff tops. If I saw my mom she probably wouldn't let me leave the house for the rest of my life so I phased and put my jeans on. My human body felt more of the fatigue then my wolf one did and I had to concentrate on which leg went into which hole of my jeans.

I was the first there. Jake and Paul were next, both no doubt coming from the Black house. Paul and Sam were the only ones in the pack to imprint and Paul often stayed with Jakes sister Rachel. Jacob was indifferent to the whole situation but then Jacob was indifferent to life. He walked over to stand by my side.

"Hey Em. Glad to see you back" he said casually. He was in his own world most of the time so I wasn't surprised that he didn't realise the gravity of my small meltdown. The confrontation with Leah at the party was the most emotional I had seen him towards someone other then Bella since her death. I watched it from afar partly wanting to stand up for Leah, partly wanting him to put her in her place. I had felt a little guilty about it at the time but not anymore. She got what was coming to her.

Quil came running up next. His face was full of relief when he saw me and he grabbed my hand while leaning in for a short hug. That was the equivalent of a girl squealing and hugging her best friend after a year long absence in guy language. He stood at my other side and punched me in the arm. Again the equivalent of 'glad to see you're back but don't you EVER do that again'. I gave him the best smile I could muster.

Sam appeared with Jared at his side now and my fists started to shake at the sight of him. His eyes refused to meet mine and Sam shot a look at Quil. He had obviously asked him to keep me under control. Seeing Jared again brought back the show in my head and I didn't have the strength to fight it.

"Not the time Em" Quil said out of the corner of his closed mouth. I controlled my shaking as I concentrated the anger into my balled fists. I could feel the nails almost breaking the skin on my palms.

Then the air became tense as the last two pack members came into sight. Seth was standing protectively in front of his sister who had her eyes down. She looked terrible, almost as bad as I felt. As they joined the group, standing as far from Jacob and Jared as possible Leah lifted her head. No doubt to scan for Jacob as she did each time. But her eyes fell on me and her face instantly changed. Her scowl turned into that radiant smile that I kept forgetting she was capable of. I had only seen it once or twice but it was never for me. The permanent crease between her eyebrows disappeared taking with it my anger towards her. I wasn't prepared for this. Yelling, screaming, mocking, even physical violence I was prepared for but this threw me and I turned right back into the idiot that I was. _Did she actually miss me? _I wondered. Sam moved forward as soon as the group was formed keen to get the meeting underway.

"As you know Emily and I have been married for a few months now. As my pack brothers I wanted to share my news with you before anyone else. It is with great honour that I announce I am going to be a father" Sam's voice was full of pride but he held back for Leah's benefit. Everyone congratulated him but not without looking over to see Leah's face while they did. She wasn't a great actress and although she had managed a faint smile her eyes were clearly tearing up. I wanted so badly to comfort her but I stood frozen in place as my alpha spoke again.

"Due to this I have decided that I need to make my growing family my number one priority and it is with great sadness I announce my resignation as pack leader." We all had the same stunned looks on our faces followed by shallows gasps. All but Jacob and Jared. Sam continued. "I have offered the position of alpha to the packs rightful heir and he has once again declined so Jared, as beta, will be taking over the role as your new alpha." Sam's eyes darted between Jacob and I. Jake was looking down. I was staring at Jared. _No way in HELL was he going to be my alpha _the words dripped with venom as I thought them. My eyes squinted as the crease in my brow pushed my eyebrows together. Quil seemed to move towards me as my legs carried me to Sam. Before my brain caught up to me I was now standing inches away from his face.

"I will NEVER follow an order from _him." _The words were heavy with hate but it was pure. My mind was too tired to censor for the sake of Jared's feelings. I was now running on autopilot.

"I'm sorry you feel that way Embry but this is an alpha command. You don't have a choice" His words sounded like he had prepared them earlier no doubt predicting this very confrontation. The alpha weight behind them was strong and my weakened state of mind had me walking back to where I was originally standing. Leah was staring at me like she had just pieced together part of a puzzle. No doubt she had figured out that I was the one who had walked in on them. She was blinking her eyes furiously now, refusing to let a single tear spill.

Paul motioned to congratulate both Sam and Jared. Jared accepted all the while watching me out the corner of his eye. He seemed confused, no doubt assuming I had a childish crush on Leah and nothing more. Not enough to warrent my little outburst. Jacob's face seemed to be concentrating hard as he looked between Jared, Leah and I. Leah was refusing to look at anyone and Seth chose to stand by her rather then congratulate the new father to be. As I watched Jared I became overwhelmed with anger. He had my girl, he had head position in the pack. He had it all. He looked over at me finally, meeting my eye contact as I began to shake once again.

"Do you have something to say to me Embry?" He started.

"Just leave it Jared" Sam moved between us now.

The autopilot had my body running on instinct, wolf instinct. I lost control and phased as I leapt at Jared. He phased just before I got to him and he kicked me back to my original position. I ran for him again knowing I had no energy to be any real competition and he tore into my side with his teeth.

"ENOUGH" Sam commanded. Most of the others had phased as well forming teams of loyalty. Leah remained human as she watched on in horror. Sam continued to talk.

"Embry you will respect and honour your new alpha, do I make myself clear?" I nodded as I fought to shake my head.

"And you will apologise to him this instant. You will accept your place in this pack and dedicate yourself to it completely"

For some reason that was the final straw. I already had no control of the part of me that was devoted to Leah now the rest of me was to go to the pack? My life would be spent dedicating my everything to others. To Leah, to Jared, to my Mom and to my pack. I was like a puppet trying to please everyone else. I just wanted to be my own person, to finally make my own decisions without worrying who would be affected in the long run. I still don't know where the strength came from but my legs kicked in and I ran. I felt like I was kicking off the shackles that were holding me to my previous obligations. Sam's howl ripped through my ears but aside from that it was quite. Very, very quite.

My body only took me a short distance away as I collapsed into the forest floor. Every last bit of my energy had been used fighting Sam's order and I began to drift to sleep. As I did I was overcome with the feeling that something life changing had happened, that I had accept part of a birth right I didn't know existed.

Suddenly I shot up. _I ran away? I ran away from an alpha order?_ The reality didn't have time to set in though and I fell into a deep sleep.

--- --- ---

**A/N: **I know, long Chapter. But it had to be done. For those of you that get where I'm going with this the original title of my story was going to be sibling rivalry.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** So my Australian/NZ friends ask me why I use so much American terminology and I've had an American criticise my spelling on a Blackwater fanfic post. Most of my readers are American so I try to avoid the metric system and I use words like "mom" instead of mum. It's just a little thanks-for-reading and getting through all the "spelling errors" which are really just the Aussie way of spelling. Hope it doesn't distract too much from the story!! Just felt I needed to justify that for some reason :p

--- --- ---

**LPOV:**

The rest of the boys were in wolf form as I stood and watched from the outside. At first I was too afraid to join them, surrendering the thoughts of Embry that I was trying to suppress. I had been too tired to pretend I wasn't happy to see him due to my recent stress induced insomnia. Quil told me that he took off after throwing up during the party. I couldn't remember Em having more then two beers and it bothered me more then it should. Sam had forbidden any contact with him while he was M.I.A so I waited, too afraid to sleep in case he tried to get in touch. My motives weren't selfless though. Sure I was worried about him running off but I also needed to know if he was the one who had walked in on Jared and me. His uncharacteristic attack tonight was all the confirmation I needed and I had fought hard to keep the tears of shame from spilling down my face. Now, in a matter of minutes, all of that was at the back of my mind.

I stood in shock, trying to process what was going on. Embry had run away. _From an alpha order._ The more I thought about it the more unbelievable it seemed. It would be easier to peel of your own skin with a butter knife then to defy one of Sam's orders. I wasn't alone in my confusion. The boys all moved closer into the circle as each set of eyes motioned franticly to indicate they were deep in conversation. Sam and Jared leapt in front of Jacob suddenly and were standing to his left and right. Jacob let out a deeply pained cry as I realised they were actually crouching into their attack positions. I mentally slapped myself across the face and forced myself to phase. The flood of voices in my head was overwhelming but I tried to pick out a few of the louder sentences.

_...but it could only mean_

_NO IT DOESN'T, There is NO way. Billy wouldn't....never_

_Jacob I'm sorry but the only person that can break away from an alpha order...._

The weight of the packs combined thoughts was too heavy and my front legs buckled causing me to kneel on the ground. The voices were all blending into one stream of incoherency. Emotions were easier to follow so I went with the strongest one. It was coming from Jacob and it was anger. Pure, burning anger.

_SAM, Billy would NEVER, NEVER cheat on my mom_

_Jake, Embry phased before you did. It makes sense if you think about it. Only a descendant of Ephraim Black would...._

_HE IS NOT MY..._

I gasped. His mind wouldn't say the last word but we all knew what it was. Brother. Embry was Jakes half brother. Embry had no idea who his father was but this was as good as a DNA test. The only way he was able to defy Sam was if he was of alpha decent, Ephraim Black's in particular. I could see where Jakes anger was coming from now. Sarah, his late mother, had meant the world to him. It was hard to imagine there was a time that Billy wasnt madly in love with her. Embry was barely older then Jake which made it worse. They were conceived within weeks of one another.

_SHUT THE FUCK UP LEAH_

He turned on me now, his eyes ablaze. He was out of practice when it came to keeping his emotions under control. My instincts had me crouched down, ready to put him in his place if I needed to. My head was trying to convince me he was a threat and not the Jacob I knew.

_You talk so tough all the time hey Leah, well you don't know shit. Why don't you just go fuck Embry? You two both deserve each other._

My mouth was suddenly dry as I tried to swallow. I learnt along time ago to replace hurt with anger and now I just wanted to tear his face off with my teeth. I began to push my body weight on my hind legs, ready to spring forth, when I saw his eyes move to the left of me. His nose was in the air as he scanned for Embry's scent. I felt the pack unite in their concern now. Jacob needed an outlet for this emotional overload and Embry was still close by.

_Jacob, its not his fault. _Quil came to the defence of his friend._ You need to talk to Billy about this, its not like Embry had any say in who his father was._

_If one more person says it's Billy I will fucking kill them, I swear._ His voice was slow to indicate the sincerity of his threat. We needed to get him under control. Now.

I started to walk backwards. The rest of the boys looked at me as we were careful to keep our plan out of our heads. It was made with eye contact and the hope that we were all on the same page. Jacob leapt forward and the plan was in action. I saw the rest of the pack launch for him as I turned towards the forest. The collision was deafening as howls of pain and crashing bodies all met at once. I was gone before they hit the ground. Relying on Embry's scent to guide me I let my head wander as I tried to absorb the fact that Jacob and Em were brothers. I heard a whimper and a distressed howl as pain ripped through me. I couldn't pin point who it was but it made me quicken my pace.

I found him then, not far at all. If Jacob managed to take down the rest of the pack he could be here within minutes. I tried desperately to wake him. At first I yelled then I nudged, then I stomped, hard. Nothing. He was out cold. I was in too much of a panic to know how the fight was going. I could still feel Jacobs hate but it was mixed with a lot of physical pain. I bit into Embry's neck, careful not to break the skin, as I dragged his body away. We weren't far from his house now and I set him down outside his window.

_EMBRY, EM...wake up!! _

Nothing. He was out cold. I grabbed the hose, careful not to wake his mom, and poured it over his head. It took a good minute before he came out of his deep sleep and I told him to phase back. He did so and climbed into his window. Not 30 seconds later I could hear the sound of his deep breathing as he fell back into a clueless sleep. I needed to watch for Jacob though so I spent the rest of the night outside his window.

--- --- ---

Dawn broke and Embry was still out cold. It took him fourteen hours to wake up. That morning I had spoken with Kathrine his mother. I explained that Em now knew about Billy and used that as the excuse for his running away. The real reason still made me cringe but I pushed the thoughts of my lacklustre experience with Jared to the back of my mind. I personally didn't know Katherine very well although I suspected she knew about Embry and I. Sometimes I couldn't control my volume when I got _carried away_. She took the news like she had been preparing for it and her face looked relieved that it was finally out. She wanted to stay but I forced her to go to work. I didn't need her around if Jake managed to attack although I was pretty sure the guys had him under control.

Taking advantage of the empty house I was laying at Em's side now. I managed to catch about an hour of sleep broken up into 10 minute increments. It was enough for now though and I enjoyed the familiar closeness of Embrys body against mine as we shared the tiny bed. I ran my fingers over his burning forehead, moving some stray hairs back in place. His face was so peaceful that I didn't have the heart to wake him. I let him enjoy this time before I overwhelmed him with the news of his new family. His breathing began to change as I felt him stir.

"Leah?" He asked as he slowly opened his eyes. They were a gorgeous caramel brown and they made me melt when he used them the right way. His hair was dirty and he needed a good shave but I liked the stubble. It took away the remaining traces of adolescence from his face. I placed my hand on his cheek and ran my fingers tips over the coarse hair. He put his hand on mine and I snapped myself out of it. We had more important things to deal with.

"Em, I need to talk to you. You have to be fully awake and ready for this conversation" He looked self-conscious for a minute.

"Give me a sec." He said. He returned 10 minutes later after the worlds fastest shower and shave. He had minty fresh breath and was carrying a plate of food. I was sitting on the edge of his bed as he sat at my side.

"Ok, shoot" he said, downing a bread roll in only 2 bites.

I procrastinated, biting my nails while I figured out how to start this conversation. I had been planning it while he was a sleep but for the life of me I couldn't remember any of that now.

"Or....you can just stare at me some more?" His eye brow was raised now.

"Embry, shut up ok. This is pretty big news. I'm having trouble getting it out" He looked down now as his face became serious.

"Em. Do you remember going against Sam's alpha order?" Now he looked confused, as if he was expecting a different subject. His empty plate was set down and he nodded while swallowing his last mouthful.

"Ok, so...You know the only person that can do that is the rightful alpha right?"

He said nothing as he starred at me with a blank expression. The colour drained from his face.

"And in order of hierarchy the next alpha has to be a descendent of Ephraim..."

"No...." He finally pieced it together. His mouth was open as his eyes fixed on a patch of wall paper behind me. We sat like that for a good five minutes before he spoke again.

"_Billy_?" He asked

"Yes"

"So, Jake? And Rachel and Rebecca?"

"Yes again."

There was an urgent banging at the front door now, not that Embry had noticed. I tried to ignore it but the visitor was persistent. I walked over, looking back at him as he sat in a trance.

As I opened the door I saw Seth standing in front of me. Relief washed over me at the sight of my seemingly whole brother. I gave him a quick hug only to have him break out of it.

"Ahhhh, Lee I'm pretty tender here." His shirtless body revealed a few claw marks that were still healing. If they were still visible the original mark would need to be pretty deep. I refrained from pulling out the concerned elder sibling act as I was keen to hear what happened to the other boys. One in particular.

"Where are the others? What happened after I left" I tried to keep my voice low, not wanting to upset Embry.

"Sam took the worst of it. He and Quil are in hospital. We didn't want to admit them but there was just so much blood Lee..." The poor kid looked so upset. As hard as I tried I couldn't help myself, I had to know. I leaned in closer, my voice a faint whisper.

"And Jake?"

"That's why I'm here" _Oh god _I felt my breath catch. I forced my head to nod, encouraging him to continue.

"Jakes in pretty bad shape. He's also in the hospital but they pumped him full of normal blood and he's not healing as fast as he should. He woke up about an hour. Rachel's at his side. He's been asking for you Lee. Rachel was about to drag you over there herself" My mouth felt dry again and I realised it was hanging open. _Why would he ask for me, of all people?_ We hadn't exactly parted on good terms. Seth's eyes darted up over my shoulder now.

"Embry! Good to see you're ok. How are you bro?" I couldn't hear what they were saying as my mind was stuck on Jacob. Thoughts of him in that hospital bed, then asking for me....it was too unexpected for me to get my head around it. I felt Embry behind me as he put his hand on my shoulder. I turned to face him and met his anxious eyes.

"Lee, I need to see Billy. I'm going over there now. I'd really appreciate if you would come with me" My heart dropped. He was scared and it was all over his face. But Jake was waiting. I turned to look at Seth as if he would help me figure out which way to go. But I already knew.

I would go with the wrong one, because I was an idiot.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:** Thanks for the reviews guys. I never thought this kind of story would get any interest but a whole bunch of crazy ppl have it on alert which is exciting! Just thought I'd mess up the plot line in this chapter. Reviews are only encouraging this painful Blackwater/Clearcall story so do so at your own risk :p

--- --- ---

**LPOV**

Embry's face was in my head the whole way home. As I showered, as I changed, as I started my car. I couldn't escape it. The way it fell when I told him he should see Billy alone...it was too much. It wasn't just disappointment or rejection this time. I saw the heart break in his eyes as a single tear managed to escape. The conversation was in my head the whole drive to the hospital.

"Embry, I think this is something you need to do on your own. It's really between Billy and you. This way you can talk it through without me getting in the way."

"But, Lee...I just need someone there. My whole life is about to change and I don't know if I have the strength to deal with it alone." His voice was pleading.

"Take Seth" I shot back, without a trace of empathy. His face twisted as if I'd punched him.

"Leah, I thought....I mean, I want _you._"

It took everything in me not to give in. He was right, this was one of the most important moments in his life. If I shared this with him it would put our relationship in a completely different place. I still didn't know how I felt about that. My taking off to see Jacob was as much for him as it was for me. I needed to know if there was anything between us before I took things with Embry any further. In hindsight I could've used more tact , but it wasn't my forte so I stuck with what I knew.

"You're a man now. You don't need me to hold your hand. Take Seth or go it alone. I have to go." I turned quickly to avoid seeing the agony on his face. Seth eyes were wide as he looked at me like I was possessed.

"_Jeeez Leah" _The kid was too sweet to say more but his tone was enough. Had I been watching another girl talk to him like that I would've knocked her teeth out.

I pulled into the hospital now, jerking myself back to reality. Looking for a place to park I chose the farthest spot from the front door. Stupidly I hoped the extra one minute the distance provided would be enough for everything to fall into place. My feelings for Embry were turning into just that, _feelings._ Over the last year this had happened occasionally but my other feelings for Jake had always surpassed them. At least I knew Jakes were unrequited which kept me from getting hurt. Now I was in the exact situation I had tried so hard to avoid. I wanted to turn around and go back to Embry, to show him that I was there for him. Maybe even apologise. I didn't really want to see Jacob now. My last thoughts of him were of how I could tear out his throat if I needed too while protecting Em. Still it wasn't a want I had to see him, it was a need. Now, standing at the hospital entrance, I almost laughed at how stupid it was to think this would all come together. One minute, one lifetime, this whole situation was too fucked up to resolve itself. I walked into the hospital with a defeated look on my face.

The woman at the admissions desk pointed me down a long white corridor. The last time I was in this hospital was to see my dad and those familiar feelings of dread and sorrow seemed to still linger in the stale air. They weren't as strong as they were at the time, but just the memory of that day was enough to send a chill over my scorching skin. I saw Rachel sitting outside the room number I was given and her expression changed instantly to relief. She stood up and wrapped her arms around mine. I forgot that people hugged in these situations. Flashbacks of receiving sympathetic hugs in a corridor just like this, if not this one, came flooding back. This hospital held too many demons for me to think straight. I forced my brain out of the grief filled memory by hugging her back. More of a reaction then a gesture. She looked at me as she broke out of my embrace.

"I'm so glad you're here. He's not looking so great and he refuses to see anyone but me and the other boys" By anyone she obviously meant Billy. "Sam , Quil and a few others came to make their peace with him but he's still pretty bad. I think it's more of a mental thing then physical, although the blood he was given has him pretty scrambled."

I was nodding thoughtfully as I looked over her face. Her bloodshot eyes were highlighted by the dark bag's that fell beneath them. I had never seen her like this. She looked as bad as I felt. Her face changed now, her brow furrowing into a curious frown. Then her voice became high as she treaded carefully around her next question.

"He won't ask for anyone....except you. Do you know why?"

I answered honestly "Your guess is as good as mine". She didn't look satisfied but she took it anyway. It was probably to tell me he never wanted to see me again after I took off to protect Embry. She'd hear the yelling soon enough. I changed the subject quickly.

"Do you know about......" I didn't need to say Embry's name to see her face change.

"Yes" she said. "I guess it makes sense. Remember at school how they used to pretend they were twins?" Her eyes lowered at the memory as her lips puckered like she had a bitter taste in her mouth. It was clearly hard news to take for the Blacks. I rubbed her shoulder, out of practice on the comforting female stuff, and took a step towards Jakes room. She shook herself out of her thoughts and gave me a real smile.

"He'll be so happy to see you. Really, thanks so much Leah. I'm going to go see Paul in Sam's room. He and Quil are still not in top form but they're ready to check out." She bounced up the hall, not three rooms away. Rachel and Paul was something I didn't think I'd ever get used to. Paul and any woman, really. He should thank God everyday that imprints exist.

I walked into Jakes room now, taking in the sight before me. His eyes were closed as he lay perfectly still. He was covered in bandages. Some still had fresh blood seeping through the cloth. His skin was a pale brown and he had tubes coming out of his arms that were hooked up to large, old machines. I felt sick as I watched the all too familiar sight. He was one of the strongest and now...now he looked like he was on his death bed. I walked to his side, placing my hand on his arm. It was cold, even for a human, and I started to panic. Another flashback of my fathers own cold, pale skin assaulted my memory and then it started. The sobbing. My chest was tight as I struggled for air, uneven and shallow breaths all I could manage. The hot salty tears stung as I tasted them on my lips and a wailing sound I had never heard before was being stifled by my attempts to swallow. _Oh god....oh god_ I couldn't cry normally let alone control this panic. I felt my knees crash into the floor as I bent over trying to take in deep breaths. The sound became louder the deeper the breath and I tried to place my hand over my mouth to muffle it. This only made it worse. I was on the verge of a panic attack. A large hand fell limply on my shoulder and I managed to get it together enough to look up at Jake. His eyes were barely open now as he tried to grip my shoulder with his weak fingers. _Pull it together Clearwater_ I was pleading with myself. Jake took a deep, painful, breath and started to stroke where his hand sat.

"Shhhhhh Lee, its ok, shhhhhhh" His raspy yet soothing voice was enough to pull me back from the edge. I sat for a few minutes until my breathing returned to a semi normal pace. When I thought my legs could handle it I stood up. Shame flushed my tear stained cheeks but he looked at me reassuringly and I felt a little better. He gestured to the seat behind me but I shook my head as I wiped away the remaining traces of my meltdown. He started to speak, or wheeze rather. It was probably from whatever drugs they loaded him up on. I motioned toward the water next to his bed. A slight movement of his head suggested he was fine and he attempted to get through a whole sentence

"I didn't, I didn't think you would come."

"Of course I would, why wouldn't I?" I wasn't able to think straight just yet. I knew why, he knew why. He had done nothing but hurt me lately and yet when I saw him just now, as close to death as possible, I thought my heart would explode in my chest.

"I need to say something to you; I've needed to ever since I woke up in here." His voice got better with every word, although he was clearly struggling. I took up his previous offer now, pulling the chair behind me closer to his bed as I sat down. My little episode had taken a lot of my depleting energy and his serious tone had me worried about the strength in my legs. I nodded for him to continue.

"I know...I know how you feel about me. I've been selfish, pretending I didn't. I've leant on you when I needed support and I've taken advantage of our friendship. I know I've said some horrible things to you recently but I care about you so much that everything you do makes me so..." He started coughing now. I just stared at him, unable to move. He motioned towards the glass of water I had offered and I just sat like a dead fish as I watched him struggle to pick it up. He took a mouthful, swallowing painfully, and set the glass back in place.

"Ok, so I know I stuffed up. Leah since...the event two years ago, I thought it would be easier to push everyone away. But you were so stubborn that I couldn't keep you out. I only noticed it a few weeks ago. I went to the cliff top, as I always do, and I found myself hoping you would turn up. I even waited around a little, but you never showed. Then at your house party.... I tried so hard to keep it in but I couldn't help it. I'm so sorry for what I said, honestly I couldn't sleep the whole night. I tried to block you out at the next meeting and well, other things came up..."

I sat in shock as I took it all in. My head felt like it was enveloped in a thick cloud of smog which restricted my processing abilities. It was too much. I needed air. Then a thought hit me, a dark thought. I had no control of my mouth as the question blurted out.

"Is this because I was fucking Embry behind your back? Is this to get back at him, to go through me?"

He shared the exact same hurt expression as Embry did. They were brothers alright. I wanted to say something apologetic, something to change the subject, but I'd come this far. If I took it back I'd never get my answer. He placed his hand on mine now as he looked into my eyes.

"No."

Short, simple and exactly what I needed to hear. I felt that giddy teenage girl start to come out but I only let myself manage the smallest of smiles. Jake attempted to flash his perfect white teeth at me as he squeezed my hand and I squeezed right back.

"Oww..oww ow ow" He tried to take his hand out of my grip. Ok, maybe I let my excitement slip a little...

"Sorry!" I said. "I can fix it if you want?" He looked at me now as I kissed his hand lightly. His smile showed that he approved. I moved up his arm placing a light trail of kisses as I went. He grabbed his rib as his breathing quickened. I was at his neck now and he let out a small moan. Then we heard voices, arguing in the hall. Rachel, and a man. The door had been wide open and I stood frozen in place as the male cleared his throat. Jake stiffened.

"Sorry to, ah, interrupt but your, ah Embry and I need to talk to you Jake."

_Embry....Shit!_ I was so caught up in everything I had completely forgotten about the Embry vs Jake stuff I was here to sort out. _Shit_. I didn't want to turn around. If Embry was watching this would only twist the knife I had stuck in him earlier, figuratively speaking. I forced myself to look, exhaling in relief as I saw it was just Billy standing before me.

"Get the fuck out" Jake spat with all his strength.

"Watch it boy" Billy spat back. Then Embry appeared behind him, hiding in his shadow. He refused to make eye contact with either of us. _Shit, maybe he had been standing there._

"I should go" I whispered and motioned towards the door.

"Stay, Lee, please" Jake asked. I moved back to my chair. Embry looked at me now, disgust in his eyes. Anything I did was like choosing a side. I couldn't win.

"This is a family matter" Billy said.

"Then why is Embry here? No, if he stays then Leah stays."

Billy sighed. Embry closed the door behind him. Then it began.

--- --- ---

**Disclaimer:** I keep forgetting to do these. Twilight is Stephenie's, not mine.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:** This started as a boring plot development chapter and then it switched on me. I think Embry has lost his damn mind but I'm keeping the craziness in because its so deliciously infuriating. Loved ur reviews as always. Normal ppl are boring and this story is not for normal ppl so ur all awesome :P Ok, back to the angsty drama.

**EPOV:**

_She didn't say why she wouldn't come with me to see Billy but I walk in here and she's with him? I don't get it. He treats her like dirt, spends over a year ignoring her and the first thing I see when I walk past the door is her kissing his fucking neck! Was she just that self absorbed that she didn't care? All those times that I thought she was keeping me away to avoid a repeat of Sam, maybe she really was just a self-proclaimed bitch. He barks at her to sit in place and she does it. I ask her to come with me through one of the hardest parts of my life and she bails. No, I have to stop blaming myself now. This is her, all her, its always about her. _

I watched her shift uncomfortably in her seat but only from the corner of my eye. I couldn't stand to look at her now. She seemed embarrassed and remorseful. Tough, she could ride this one out on her own. I wasn't going to console her just so she could feel better about casting me off so easily. There were more pressing issues to deal with anyway. I began to push Leah Clearwater the bottom of my priorities list, wishing it wasn't so hard, as I focused on the reason we were here..

The talk with Billy was shorter and more direct then I thought. I guess he'd had a lifetime to prepare it. According to him he was a young man dealing with the news that his wife had cheated on him with Joshua Uley, Sam's father. They fought and Billy threatened to kill him if he didn't leave town. He assumed Josh would move the whole family but he overestimated the coward who took off leaving a wife and a three year old son behind. Billy was devastated that he had destroyed one family while his own was crumbling around him. He turned to my mom, a good friend of Sarah's at the time, for support. He cut the story short, adding only "a few too many beers added to the youthful idea of revenge as a cure had me facing the repercussions nine months later".

This version of events was for my ears only. Jake and the twins would hear another one which left out the revelation of Sarah's infidelity. I admired him for protecting his late wife's reputation but requested he didn't lay any blame on my mom. He promised me and I was about to ask why his identity was kept from me when the front door burst open, almost flying free of its hinges. I jumped protectively in front of Billy in an instant. It was Seth, drained of colour and panting as he stood before us.

"What's wrong ?" I asked

"Both Colin and Brady have been activated. That means vamps, and a few of them if we need two new recruits"

"Have you seen them or crossed their scent?"

"No. This is just a guess. But what else could it be right?"

I felt the alpha part of me take over as I tried to form a battle strategy. I was never the war games type but my newly acquired leadership skills had me planning instinctively. My brain had already prioritised the steps required to reach the first stage of battle readiness. Step one: Reinforcements. It would be hard when I had no pack, but I had to rally the remaining ones under my authority somehow. They picked a good time to show up as half of the existing members were recovering from the damage incurred by Jacob. He was my strongest warrior, the obvious choice for beta. I needed him to fight at my side instead of trying to fight me. I would start with the easier recruits first before I tried converting him. I turned to Billy.

"We need to see Sam"

I sent Seth to run the La Push perimeter scanning for any signs of vamps we may have missed. Colin and Brady would have to wait. Training two recently activated wolves was not a task for one person. I grabbed the keys to Jakes car, the only one I had access to, and we floored it to the hospital. When we got in we found Sam, Quil, Paul and Rachel as they were packing up to leave.

"You shouldn't be here dad. You promised me..."

"Rach, this is important" The tone in Billy's voice enough to silence the room. Rachel moved towards Paul, wrapping her hands around his arm protectively. Billy looked at me to take over the conversation. My new found confidence was now apparent in my stance as well as my voice.

"Two more have been activated, both young. We have a few possible scenarios. The two most likely are also the most dangerous. Either the vampires have been close enough to the Res to activate new members or their numbers are large enough to warrant two young fighters from a distance." This was the nerve racking part but I continued in the same confident tone. " Either way I need to know who can fight and who will do it with me as their alpha."

The boys all huddled together and Rachel left the room. She was obviously distressed and didn't want to break down in front of us. We all moved closer as Sam began to speak

"Embry you're the rightful alpha, either you or Jake. Jared was only to be appointed by default, because Jacob wouldn't take it. Since you've accepted the pack is now yours." He said it in a congratulatory tone but I knew it had more to do with the burden he was now relinquished of.

"I'll stand behind you" Quil said encouragingly.

"So will I" Paul answered.

"And so will I. I guess I can fit in one last battle before I enter fatherhood" Sam smiled.

I was stunned. That was easier then I had thought. With no time to dwell on the significance of the moment I moved to the next stage of my plan. Getting them all back into fighting fit condition. Sam, Seth and Quil were still healing but our best fighter was up a few rooms up. As if reading my mind Billy questioned me now.

"What blood type are you Embry?" Billy asked

"B negative, why?"

"You're a match. Want to donate some blood?"

So here we were. Not two minutes ago my arm had been hooked up to a blood extracting machine. It was more painful then I realised as my skin constantly tried to heal around the needle sticking into me. I had to rotate it when the nurse wasn't looking so the skin would break off. The process was very rushed and highly unorthodox but Jakes doctor was an young Quileute and after a heated conversation with Billy he reluctantly complied. The aim was to use the blood like a booster shot for Jake helping his immune system to get back on track. Regardless of the tension between us I needed a strong beta. Now we stood together in Jake small room, door closed to confine the raised voices.

Billy had finished up his explanation of the affair. The version Jacob heard was just as Billy had explained. Sarah was the perfect mother to her girls and Billy had been unfaithful, hooking up with a stranger he met at a bar. Nine months later I turn up and Sarah was none the wiser. Jacob scoffed at the appalling version of a human Billy painted himself to be and I ground my teeth wanting to defend him . He was doing this for Jake who was acting like a two year old. But things took an even worse turn when Billy brought up the subject of the pint of blood currently sitting on the nurses tray outside the door. She was just waiting for permission to enter and she'd get it because this wasn't optional.

"You're seriously fucking deluded if you think I'm letting you put his tainted blood in me" Jacobs words sliced through me but for the sake of the pack I pretended not to notice. I had a duty to my people now and Jacob Black's attitude wasn't going to stop me. As I opened my mouth I could feel the alpha authority that coated the words.

"Look, you've had more then enough time to figure out that I've done nothing, NOTHING, to encourage the hate that you suddenly have for me. Its not my problem if you're so stubborn it takes you years to get over things that most of us move past in months." I knew that was a low blow but it was the only thing I thought would get through to him "Right now I have two new activee's to guide, a potentially large group of vampires in the area and the packs best fighter would rather kill me then some bloodsuckers who are probably killing innocents as we speak." Both Leah and Jacob's eyes grew wide as they sat up, Jacob clearly still in pain.

"So take the blood or fight at your weakest. Up to you. I'll make sure to take care of your funeral arrangements" I went a little too far with that comment. It was a show of man hood. Probably another part of being an alpha. That or the product of having my heart torn to pieces.

"I think that's enough Embry, he gets it" Billy said, shock in his voice at my harsh words.

"Do you hear yourself?" Leah spat as I turned to see her expression. She was appalled to hear these words coming from me. _She's said and done worse to me _I thought "You can see he's not up to fighting so you just lay into him like that? What is wrong with your…."

"Shut up Leah, no one is talking to you" I shot back. She was so quick to defend him that her words stung. My tone was aggressive to hide the pain that she unknowingly caused.

"Say what you want to me but watch your mouth when you speak to her" Jake said in a low even voice. Leah sent him a thank you with her eyes and I lost it. I opened the door and let the nurse in.

"Your taking the blood Jacob, then you're going to get over yourself and fight at my side. Are we clear?"

The nurse hesitated as she entered but Billy ushered her in. Jake was too weak to fight but Leah wasn't. She jumped up her face not two inches from mine.

"Over my dead body" She seethed through her teeth.

"I can arrange that" I said, kicking myself for how much I wanted to grab her head and crash her lips into mine.

"Lee, leave it" Jake called out as she span around in shock. "The jerk is right, I need my full strength back. I'll be sure he knows it when I'm fully healed."

He was ignoring me now, addressing only her. They had their own little private conversation going and were making a point of leaving me out. I was furious. Words hadn't worked so I did the only other thing that could hurt him, taking advantage of the fact that he was to weak to get up. I followed through on my previous thought as I grabbed Leah's head making her lips meet mine. I pushed my tongue in and made a show of it as she tried to break out of my hold. She didn't resist as much as she should and I swear she returned it slightly before she lifted her knee to my groan. I buckled over laughing as I looked up at the four sets of eyes all on me.

"Just reminding you of what you're missing Lee" I rarely called her Lee but this sudden cockiness I was experiencing had taken over and I felt like I was listening to the words only once they were out.

Leah wiped her mouth pretending to get the taste of me out of it. She liked it, I knew it and she knew it. She was still torn and if Jake thought he had some kind of claim to her he was joking. I wasn't going to make it easy for him. The colour in his skin started to return a little and I was worried about how much a bag of blood could do now. I hoped it wasn't enough for him to jump up and tear my head off which was what he wanted from the look on his face. I stood up straight, as if there wasn't a fire in my groan, and changed the subject quickly to something that would annoy him just as much.

"So you ready to be my beta little brother?" I smirked. To my surprise he smirked right back.

"Are you ready to be mine?" He said. I had no idea what he was talking about which was written all over my face. His smirk stayed in place as it was his turn to be cocky now.

"I said, are you ready to be my beta?" he asked me slowly, like I was stupid.

"What are you talking about your not an alpha, only I…"

And that's when I felt it. I had put the intense energy in the room down to the heated discussion between us. I saw why I was suddenly so arrogant, why it was so easy for me to speak down to Jacob when I had never spoken to _anyone_ like that in my life. It all made sense.

"You fucking ass, really? Are you serious? How do you think segregating the pack under two alpha's is going to help anything? I've already rallied most of the guys anyway. Who is going to be in your pathetic pack?"

Both of our eyes moved to Leah now as she took a step back. Jake tried to make his tone carefree as he questioned her.

"So Lee, are you in?"

--- --- ---

**A/N:** Just a question, do you think these chapters are too long? Honest feedback appreciated : )


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:** I know this is rushed but I'm going to be super busy for the next few days and I wanted to get the update out before I got too sidetracked. We're moving away from the triangle for now. I don't want this to turn into a bad soap opera. That being said this chapter is seriously bi-polar.

**LPOV:**

They were both staring expectantly at me_._ After Embrys little display of testosterone I wanted to say yes to Jake just to piss him off. In truth I agreed with him. Segregating the pack over something as petty as a family feud was childish and not the behavior of respected leaders. Then again being in Jared's head as well as the brothers Grimm over there would probably be enough to make me claw my brains out. I had Seth to consider as well. No doubt he'd cop a few images he could do without as Embry seemed prepared to flaunt them in front of Jacob. I had let my mind wander for a minute as Jakes voice brought me out of my thoughts, his confidence now wavering.

"Ah Lee, so are you? In that is?"

"Jake do you mind if I talk to Embry outside for a second?" Jake looked shocked, Embry's face lit up into a triumphant grin.

"Don't get ahead of yourself punk, this is strictly business" I spat. It had no effect on him as the smile turned into a smirk once again. I made a point to kiss Jake on the forehead already feeling the warmth that slowly returned to his skin. He tilted his head back and his lips met mine as he gave Embry his own little show. I should have been furious, just like the kiss with Embry, but it was the first time Jake had kissed me and although I broke out of it quickly my head was spinning. I could hear Embry's jaw start to grind. He always did that when he was angry. Had it not been for regenerating teeth he'd probably have none left.

"Back in a sec, we'll just be in the hall." I said as I dragged Embry out by pulling at his T-shirt.

"What right here right now Lee? Its pretty public but I could make an exception..." His hands fell to the curve in my back as he swayed me slightly from side to side. I swiftly closed the door behind me as I scowled at him.

"Do you want to have kids Em? Because pretty soon you aren't going to have anything down there to try!!" I fought the urge to raise my knee again.

"Is that an offer?" He laughed and I saw the double meaning in my words.I forgot about just how much arrogance came with being an alpha. You'd think I remember with the first one...

"Ugh, shut the fuck up ok, got that? No double entendre, no need for spiteful comments at Jakes expense. I talk and you listen." He sighed as he decided to play nice without an audience. He slumped into one of the cold plastic chairs lining the wall and I sat next to him.

"Ok, first things first. I was pretty clear to never lead you on." He opened his mouth as if to object "Uh uh uh, my turn to speak." He shut it loudly clearly annoyed at my challenge of his authority. "This whole thing between us, it was fun. Sometimes more then fun, but it was always going to end. I don't see how I could have made that clearer?" The bitchy, emotionless Leah was in full force now. She wasn't going to back down due to some puppy dog eyes and a pout. Embry didn't stand a chance.

"It changed Leah, whether you knew it or not it changed"

"No, it didn't. It was always the same for me" Lies. Lies for his benefit.

"Well it changed for me"

"Damn it Embry, why can't you just face the fact….."

"…when I fell in love with you." His tone was strikingly serious as he reverted back to the Embry I knew. I was caught off guard which was obvious from my reaction. My eyes shifted to the ceiling as I felt my whole face burn in a crimson blaze. The last time a guy said those words to me was the happiest moment in my life. This was beginning to be one of the worst.

"Just the fact that you consider _this _love shows you have no idea. You're too young to understand it. This is infatuation, lust. It's about as far from love as I can think of."

"Stop playing the age card, you're only a couple of years older then me and you were in love at my age." He faced me locking his eyes on mine. The conviction in his words was unnerving.

"That's different because…well…" And then I knew he was right. There was no difference between us. I had worn my heart on my sleeve, Sam was also my first and I fell deeply for him in a less time then Embry and I had been 'together'. I could see it through his eyes now as I remembered a time of innocence, when love was love, black and white. Long before I found out how quickly it could morph into something disturbing enough to change your whole being. My stomach began to turn as I remembered the pain incurred after Sam's disappearance followed quickly by his sudden devotion to Emily. The worst part was the holding back, staying strong for others and exploding when I was alone. It got to the point I would cry even after my tear ducts were empty, just a sound. The lack of hunger, the lack of sleep…. I witnessed the happy teenage girl inside being burnt alive, leaving only the bitter outer shell. It was hell, beyond torture, and now I was responsible for inflicting the same pain on someone else. I felt so guilty I would've jumped off of the roof if he had asked me too. I grabbed his hands as I looked deep into his eyes.

"Em I'm so, so sorry. I never meant…I should have but I just never thought…I…ugh". He let out a deep sigh as he prepared himself to comfort me now, a role he was used to.

"Its ok Leah, really" Lies, from him this time.

"No its not. I know that. I used you for a quick fix when I felt like it but Em you should've stopped me, if it was too much, if _I _was too much, you could've turned me away. You always had that option"

"I didn't want it"

"Embry listen to me, I deluded myself into thinking that if I could break away so easily you could too. I don't know why you would want someone like that in your life. I should know. You need to move on, find someone who actually has a heart, one that she's willing to give to you."

"I don't want to move on."

I felt like banging my head against the wall. Then I felt like banging his against the wall in an attempt to beat my words into him. My head dropped into my hands as I let out an exhausted sigh. The words were muffled as I spoke into them.

"You're so important to me, I can't even begin to tell you, but if you don't give up on the idea of us I'm going to have to cut you out of my life. This is just…it's too hard and I can't pretend to have the strength to deal with it." I looked up now as he had remained quiet. Finally I saw his eyes register the sincerity of my words. It was the most honest I had ever been with him. He concentrated on the linoleum floor below his feet for a good minute before breaking the silence.

"You know he wants you, all of you. _He_ won't settle for an empty relationship. You'll have to open up, to let him in. He's broken too and I know how hard it is to be with someone like that… You need patience and understanding. The emotionless sex, he's not strong enough for it. It's going to be work Clearwater. Do you think you're ready for that?" He looked up at me finally.

"I don't know. I guess I'll find out." I said nervously. I wasn't ready in the slightest. Exposing my emotions made me vulnerable. It turned me into that teenage girl with a gapping wound in her chest, an empty cavity where her heart once was. Embry was the easy option but I couldn't spend my life wondering what could have been with Jacob Black.

"I'll be here if it doesn't work out." He said as he put his arm around me leaning in for a hug.

"Please don't, I'm not worth it. You'll find a girl who worships you and you'll forget about me in a second."

"I wish you could see yourself through my eyes for one day Leah, I think you'd be surprised."

"Stop dodging the issue. Your perfect girl could be walking these very corridors. Just keep an open mind ok?

"Yeah, yeah…"

"Good." I paused for a second before changing the heavy subject matter.

"I think it's pretty clear I'm going to be part of Jacobs pack right? We have too much of a history for me to run with you."

"Yeah I guess"

"Seth will join me so I can keep an eye on him and Rachel will probably make Paul join to keep an eye on Jacob. That leaves you with the 2 new recruits, Jared, Quil and Sam if he's willing to stick around for a little while longer". Does this work for you?"

"Its not like I can change it." He said in the same defeated tone. He changed it now as he thought of the pack. "Sam will be my beta and we will train the new additions. Jacob can do what he likes but he'll need to get over himself enough to join me at council meetings."

"Agreed" I said keeping the conversation formal.

We both stood up as we headed back to Jakes room. I stopped before we opened the door turning to face him now.

"So…are we ok?"

"We're about as ok as we've ever been" his failed attempt at humour.

I tried to smile at him wishing the guilt that filled me wasn't so painful. A familiar scent ran through my nose as I heard foot steps followed by rushed breathing. We turned to see Emily with a look of panic on her face.

"Have either of you seen Sam? He hasn't come home and I can't get him on his phone. Quil didn't turn up either. Paul and Rachel said they left here together and now no one can find them"

"No sorry, I know they were packing up to leave but I didn't see either of them. They can't be far though…" She cut me off.

"Leah I can feel it, something bad. I don't know what but I can just feel that he's in trouble." She broke down now, leaning into me as she started to soak the dress I was wearing with black liquid. I pulled her closer and began stroking her hair. My own recent hysterics gave me the strength to deal the small baby bump that was pressed against my hip.

Although it was possible Emily was overreacting we couldn't take the chance knowing there were vampires in the area. Embry was filling in Billy with words meant for Jacob's ears. He took off outside as Jacob walked slowly towards me, not fully healed but a far sight better then just thirty minutes ago. I was holding Emily upright now as I tried to soothe her. Jake put his hand reassuringly on her shoulder as he looked at me with worry in his eyes. The imprint bond was strong. Strong and accurate. Embry ran back inside as he did the top button on his shorts, his t-shirt slung over one shoulder. He grabbed Jake pulling him out of earshot and looked at me to keep Emily occupied. I couldn't hear anything over her low wailing but if Jake and Em were communicating it had to be important. Embry turned back towards the door but hesitated for a moment. He shot me a look I didn't understand and then continued outside. Jake walked over to cup Emily's head in his hands as he looked at her tear stained cheeks.

"You know this worrying isn't going to do you and the baby any good. He's probably fixing a flat somewhere with no reception. You think anyone is going to take on both Sam and Quil? Really? The only problem they'll be dealing with is changing a tyre in this weather. Sam is probably worried sick that he can't get in touch with you and that's why you're feeling so worried now. Mix in some pregnancy hormones and of course you're going to be beside yourself."

She used her sleeve to wipe at her tears as she started to breathe easier.

"You think?" She stammered a trace of hope in her voice.

"I'm sure of it" his forced smile almost as real as his genuine one. Billy wheeled his way over.

"You want to give an old man a ride home? We should be waiting by the phone incase Sam tries to call you there." He could see that we needed to talk. Emily looked back at us as we both broke out our best encouraging faces. Smiles, head nodding. She was sold.

As they left Jake grabbed my arm.

"He can't hear them"

"What?" I asked, almost missing the quiet whisper of his voice.

"Embry, he can't hear them. He's their alpha and he can't hear anything, he tried to….."

The sound of an ambulance pulling up, sirens blazing, drowned out the rest of his words.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: **So many torn opinions on this story, I love it! But you all know that from the essays I send in reply to your reviews (sorry, I get carried away sometimes lol). I'm taking advantage of your lack of opposition to my long chapters by posting my longest one ever. See if you can guess how I feel about imprinting 3/4 of the way through. Oh and you can take it as a spoiler for the rest of the story.

--- --- ---

**LPOV**

The scene was surreal. As the doors burst open the bright white corridor suddenly took on a red tinge. Two bodies were laying on stretchers as the sound of another ambulance pulling up indicated more to come. The frantic ambulance officers were now joined by pre-warned doctors and nurses as they attempted to wheel them towards the emergency room. The first victim was a woman in her late twenties. Her screams of agony enough to burst a human eardrum. Four sets of hands held her down as her body shook violently. Another two were trying to locate the main source of her pain as they packed and compressed gaping wounds. Lesions similar to that of an animal attack covered her body as did the deep red blood that was pouring out at an unnatural rate. The ground was covered in a trail of red footprints as she was rushed through the swinging doors. The second stretcher was an even more horrific sight. There was no noise from this one as a young boy, no more then seven, lay completely still. His body was covered in the same wounds but the blood that he was drenched in was old, his wounds now dry. He was completely drained. The sickly scent of burnt sugar covered them both, diluted only by their own blood. There was no question anymore. The vampires were here and they were making a point.

I looked at Jacob who had his arm around my waist to steady me. I shook out of his grip now uncomfortable to be so close to him out of some stupid feeling of betrayal I now had for Embry. Forcing myself to move past it I tried to stand up straight ignoring the weakness in my legs.

"What did Embry say Jake?"

"Not here" He said as he dragged me off. The door burst open once more as a third body was wheeled in, this one a large man who was very similar to the first woman. Deafening screams, blood soaked skin, more then five people trying to hold him in place. An equally disturbing sight. Jacob took me into his former room as we closed the door on the sounds and smells that I knew would revisit me in my nightmares.

"Embry can't hear either Sam or Quil. The only voice he could pick up was Seth. Your brother said he felt them phase but was concentrating on his task so he thought nothing of it. He assumed they were training or something. They were only phased for about ten minutes before they dropped out."

I felt sick again. The countless times I had wished Sam dead were in my head as the reality of the situation hit home. I needed an outlet for my guilt and emotional transference was what I did best. Unfortunately for Jake he was going to have to take it.

"You knew all of this and you still said what you did to Emily? You practically told her they were fine. She only listened to you because you had spoken to Embry, she trusted what you said." I felt a little betrayed that he let me be consoled by his words too.

"Leah, calm down. We don't know what has happened, they _could_ be fine." He looked hurt and I pulled back on the bitchiness. I was so used to getting away with it when I spoke to Embry it would take sometime to readjust myself.

"Sorry, I'm just worried." I mumbled. His face was full of concern as he moved his hand to my shoulder. He spoke in a low, comforting tone.

"I know this must be hard for you, being Sam and all..." He had misread my anger. It was better then the truth so I took it and moved on.

"Ah yeah. Look what's the plan?" I said abruptly. He seemed a little surprised at my callousness.

"Embry is tracking their scent as we speak. We need to gather the others and meet at Emily's house. We'll have a meeting as wolves first before we head inside. If Sam is fine the first person he'll want to see is his wife."

It made sense. He was thinking like an alpha alright. We took off outside as we both found a separate place to change and phase. I went to get Seth first and Jake went to grab Paul. I could feel the worry that he tried to hide from me now as we both set off on our different paths.

--- --- ---

"So we're clear on our current pack roles?" Jake asked.

"I still think its stupid but I don't really have much of a choice do I?" Paul answered. He was just bitter that I was Jakes beta. I taunted him with a feeling of superiority and he returned it with a strong feeling of annoyance.

"No you don't. Jared you're up for the first patrol. You'll need to take either Colin or Brady. Sorry guys but you'll be given a baptism by fire into this world, on the job training."

No one seemed particularly happy about the arrangement, no one but Seth and I. Seth was always optimistic and I was beta so the Clearwater's were doing fine. Jared and Brady took off as the rest of us stopped to change before heading inside. I was first as the boys usually waited to make sure I was completely changed. Partly due to chivalry, partly because if they saw me naked they knew I'd make them forget it. I knocked a few times before Billy eventually let me in. Emily was sitting on the couch staring into space. She didn't move while each of us filed in. Jake encouraged me to sit next to her and I draped my arm around her shoulder. She didn't even flinch. We sat for a minute in perfect silence until Paul opened his big mouth.

"So, ah, Jake. Are you and Leah...?". Seth's eyes shot between us as did the rest of the room. Emily remained frozen in place.

"Not the time Paul" Jacob said through clenched teeth. The atmosphere was more tense now as we returned to the silence. Five minutes felt like five hours as I sat stroking the long black silk that was Emily's hair. The guys were all occupied in their own worlds, staring into space. Jake had been looking at each of them for the last minute, probably trying to figure out how to lift the mood of the room. The grim faces were doing nothing to consol Emily.

"Yes." He said as he looked at Paul.

"Yes what?" Paul asked, forgetting his previous question.

"Leah and I, yes we're together." His voice lacked the confidence that he and Embry both spoke with now. I sat there with a blank expression on my face not sure what I should say or do. Then Jake smiled at me and without resistance I smiled back.

"Wow, you're braver then I thought. Taking on Leah shows that you're ready to be alpha." Paul paused for a second as his face lit up "Oh wait, it really does. Its like a rite of passage into the alpha world." He winked at me before doubling over in laughter. Seth leant over and punched him in the arm, hard enough to make a cracking sound.

"Ow, ok ok. We get it kid. Super strong little brother gets defensive about his big sister."

"You're just lucky I'm not sitting over there" I said as I glared at him. I was use to comments like this so I didn't actually care but I pretended to. Jake looked upset as he took his gaze off of me for a second.

"Seth you want to sit with your cousin while I talk to Leah outside?" He asked. Seth looked at him with a slight warning in his eyes as I rolled mine.

"Down boy" I said as I walked past him. Seth always had my back and I loved him for it. He annoyed me to no end but when it came down to my welfare he was always looking out for me. Jake and I stepped outside as we stood in front of the small simple white house the Uley's shared. He spoke as soon as the door was closed behind us.

"I'm sorry I didn't check with you first. Is it ok that I told the guys we were together?"

"Yeah, well we are. Can't see why not." I replied casually. He flashed his bright whites as a smile broke across his face. They never failed to dazzle me and I instantly felt a little light headed.

"That's what I figured. I still should've asked first, especially with Seth sitting there. Sorry. I'm not great at this relationship stuff."

"And you think I am? Don't put so much pressure on it Jake, we're both going to stuff this up multiple times. Just go with it" I spoke with the voice of experience. He laughed now, a strained almost nervous sound.

"Ok. Thanks." He was inching himself closer to me while still giving me plenty of room. "How are you going Lee? This Sam stuff… Are you doing ok?" His concern was unfounded but still sweet. He overestimated my emotional range which made me feel almost normal.

"Jake the stuff with Sam feels like a lifetime ago. Seriously, don't worry. I do know how to let things go" I suddenly realised that could be taken as a direct attack at him "Oh! Sorry, I…oh. I didn't mean..."

"No that's ok. I get why you'd think that." His cryptic answer intrigued me.

"Well yeah, because you were upset your friend or potential girlfriend or whatever she was to you, died right?" He shook his head as moved back away from me now, leaning against the wall. He took a deep breath.

"Partly. That's what I wanted you all to think and that's still how I want it so let's just change the subject ok? This isn't the time to get into it"

"No way Black, you can't just say something like that and expect that I'll just brush it off. Spill."

"No, Lee really. I'm nowhere near ready for…"

"Look if you want this thing to work we both need to be open ok? It's give and take" He was beginning to frustrate me which was obvious from my tone.

"Jeez Leah, you really need to work on reading other people hey. You want to tell me about this casual sex addiction thing you have going?" _Damn it_…He had me.

"Ok, ok. I get your point. You show me yours and I'll show you mine…I guess."

Jake let out long breath as he looked around to check we were alone. He moved in closer and I could feel his body heat was almost the same as mine once again. He started his story hesitantly.

"I was upset about what happened to Bella. You know the story so I won't retell it" I had seen through Sam's mind that Jacob was the one who pulled her out of the water and attempted CPR unsuccessfully. The paramedics and the other boys pried him off of her lifeless body. It was a horrific memory that was full of pain and even I didn't want to revisit it. "But the most upsetting part came at her funeral."

"Ok…" I tried to encourage him as I place my hand on his arm.

"I was watching as they lowered her body into the ground. Charlie was in tears as your mom and my dad sat at his side. Bella's mom was in hysterics as her partner tried unsuccessfully to comfort her. A couple of the Cullen's were there also mourning the death of a family member, the bloodsucker that broke Bella's heart. I was so angry that they had the audacity to show up that I watched the funeral from afar. There was a group of Bella's school friends standing around. A blonde boy was being comforted by a brunette and a plain girl wearing glasses. The bookish looking one lifted her eyes to meet mine. When they did I felt it, that universe shaking, mind numbing, body invading sensation. I knew that I had imprinted. All at the funeral of the girl I could see myself growing old with. In front of her grieving parents, in front of her dead body, I imprinted."

I gasped before I had time to stop it. Regret filled me as I realised what I had just talked him into sharing. I never thought that was what he had been repressing for so long and because I pried instead of leaving well alone he felt obligated to tell me. Now I couldn't even be supportive as I stood with my hand over my mouth. He continued and it almost seemed like he wanted to get the story out, like he had prepared this whole speech.

"I spent so long fighting it. It was like I suddenly fell into a high that no drug could top and instead of enjoying it I forced myself to detox it from my system. The guilt was only part of it. I was angry at myself for fighting what seemed like destiny, then I felt hatred for both the resistance and the longing. It was indescribable. I fought with myself for days, then months and almost years."

"Oh god, Jake I'm so sorry. You don't need to continue if you don't want. I'm really… I need to learn to keep my mouth shut."

"I was going to tell you sometime. I even pictured how it was going to happen. It just wasn't this soon. Sorry if I got so heavy on you. I understand if you think I'm some sort of disrespectful freak who imprints on random girls at the most inappropriate times."

"You know that you have no control over something like that." I replied. I couldn't believe that he had blamed himself so much over the last couple of years. My issues suddenly seemed a lot smaller in comparison. I leant into him as I let my hands grip his lower back. I rested my cheek on his chest and he kissed the top of my head.

"Thanks Lee. It means a lot. I had visions of you turning your back on me after I told you."

"Jake after the things I have to tell you I would be surprised if you even wanted to look at me. Your story was completely out of your control. Mine…mine is all a product of my own doing."

"We're both pretty messed up hey?" He replied

"Yeah but who isn't?" I answered. "Apart from Sam and Emily, Paul and Rachel…"

"They're the most fucked up of all. They've lost their identities. They'll do anything to please one another which means never fighting, never prying when they think the other needs to open up. Their relationship lack's any heat of their own, any real passion. We'll have to work to get to that level and hopefully beyond. They just meet at the top and stay stagnant for the rest of their lives. Trust me, I've been there."

I moved closer into his embrace to show how much I appreciated his confiding in me. He moved his hand through my hair as he let his chin rest on the top of my head. It felt nice to stand like this with no pressure. Just enjoying the support we gave one another. I knew it was my turn next but I wanted to drag this moment out for as long as I could. The front door burst opened startling us out of each other arms. Emily passed, completely oblivious to both of our shocked expressions. She had a smile on her face as she ran towards her gate. By the time she reached it we saw Embry followed closely by both Sam and Quil. She ran into Sam's arms as he caught her and kissed her with more passion than anyone had ever kissed me. The rest of the guys started coming out of the house now as they went to greet the other two boys. Embry looked at both Jake and I as he made his way towards us.

"Can I talk to you inside?" He asked

"Sure" Jake said as walked through the open door. I stood uncomfortably as I waited for Embry to follow him.

"Both of you" He said as he followed Jake. I paused for a second before I too followed closely behind.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N:** Confessions of a bad fanfic writer.... So recently I've lost a lot of my spare time as well as my writing time at work. I tried to speed up the story a little so I could get it done quicker but after re-reading the last chapter I've decided to stick with the original plan of 20 chaps (that's my goal, and I need that many for real closure on this story). So sorry if the story seems to have deviated, we're back on track now. Bad Embry owns this chap, then we have Blackwater (and possible lemonade...still undecided) for the next 2 chaps, then a battle, death, love, angst, heartbreak etc etc. I might not be able to update 2 chaps a week like usual but I'm gonna stay true to the original plotline again. Thanks for sticking with it guys! Your feedback is awesome.

--- --- ---

**EPOV:**

Leah closed the door behind her as she took her place at Jacobs's side. It was obvious that she put some distance between them for my benefit. Her face still had the look of both guilt and pity that she had worn since our talk earlier. I wanted to see what her eyes said but she couldn't bring herself to lift them to me. I was almost thankful for the news I had to share which stopped me from over analysing her every movement. Billy wheeled his way towards the front door to leave but I asked him to stay. I wasn't here to cause a scene, this was Quileute business. He positioned himself to my right as I began to speak.

"I tracked both Sam and Quil on the return trip so what I have to tell you is second hand information. They found a small coven of about thirteen vampires in an abandoned building in Port Angeles. Most of them seem to be newborns. Animalistic, out of control and full of bloodlust. A few were more 'aware' then the others, more in control of their actions." My eyes fell on Jacob now "The one that appeared to be their leader is a vampire we've already met. Jacob, it was the red head that was after Bella, the one we chased away just before.....the one that ran off. Looks like she's finally ready to make her move."

Jakes hands balled into fists as Leah stood closer to him, placing her hand on the small of his back. The alpha energy between us was already hostile so the jealous of seeing Leah comfort him now, as innocent as it was, made me grind my teeth a little. I continued with the story quickly before my voice gave my emotions away.

"The guys headed to Forks when they left the hospital as Sam wanted to pick up some flowers for Emily. When they got out of their car the fading scent of vampire caught their attention and they both phased to follow it while it was still fresh. Before long they were in the outskirts of Port Angeles at a large rundown building. They phased into their human forms careful to leave the faintest scent trail possible. Then they saw it, through a small window at the back of the building. The smell of human blood surpassed the stench of the vampires. It was coming from a young family of three the leeches were feasting off of. Sam and Quil were too late, especially for the kid who was killed in a matter of minutes. They decided to return home quickly with a full report but couldn't leave before calling 911 for an ambulance. I caught up to them not long after and they began to show me what they had witnessed. It's clear that the red head isn't stupid, she'll figure out who called the ambulance as soon as she picks up the wolf scent."

Everyone was quiet now, taking in what I had just shared. The advantage of time meant I already had a basic plan laid out. Not long after we phased Jared and Brady filled us in on the new pack members roles and alliances. I knew Jake would make Leah his beta. Although Paul was larger and slightly stronger Leah had agility on her side, second only to her alpha. She was also a great fighter and was the most composed under pressure, often being one step ahead of her opponent. For the most part I was happy that Jake had requested Brady run with Jared to start his training immediately. We needed him at him in fighting form as soon as possible. Jake and I seemed to be on the same wave length regarding pack choices amongst other things. He was also the first to break the silence now.

"We saw the family, at the hospital. They were brought in screaming and covered in blood. We knew the boy was dead, he was completely drained. The parents were still alive though...last we saw anyway."

"They were screaming? Did they mention burning?" Billy asked with urgency in his voice as his eyes darted between Leah and Jake.

"Yeah I think they did. They were clearly in pain, I couldn't really make out what they were saying" Leah replied. Billys face turned deathly serious as he looked up at Jacob now.

"They're turning. They need to be killed before they're added to the army. It takes a couple of days from what I'm aware but they'll be completely immobilised during that time. The pain will make them easy targets."

The three of us looked at each other now. No one really wanted the task of killing two parents who had recently lost a son and were essentially still human. Jacob volunteered that he and Leah would do it as they had seen the bodies already and would be sure to kill the right ones. He also knew that I needed to be here to start battle training and we had no idea when he would be able to kill the soon-to-be newborns. I had a few more theories to share before we finished up our little meeting.

"I'm predicting they'll wait for their new additions before they plan on attacking so that gives us a couple of days, maybe a few if they don't figure out that we've killed them already. That should give us enough time for basic training with Colin and Brady as well as form a proper battle strategy with the other senior members. The split pack should work in our favour as communication will be clearer without ten people fighting for attention. We need to get all them in here for the debrief. If I know the guys they'll be psyched for the fight. We've waited a long time to put our skills to the test and now we a have real opportunity." I couldn't help but feel the pre-battle buzz that was intensified as an alpha. There were other feelings of worry and possible failure but that instinctive adrenaline kick won out over them all. Ready to share it with the packs I moved to the door to let the guys back in when he stopped me.

"Just one sec Embry. I just wanted to say...ah... Look I know I've been kind of a jerk lately but I…have trouble with….well I basically handled my self pretty poorly. I'm sorry I guess. We should try to band together and all of that." It was as sincere and heartfelt as an apology from Jacob got. He moved in for a handshake and pulled me into his chest as he patted my back. I could imagine the effort it took to say those things, there was so much tension between us instinctively on top of any human issues we had with one another. I almost felt bad that over the last 30 minutes I had decided to steal his girlfriend out from under him. Almost…

"Ok, ok. Enough of the soft stuff right? We should let the guys in now, I'm sure they're keen to find out what we're talking about" I said, breaking out of our short lived bonding experience.

As we opened the door Sam entered with Emily pressed into his side. They squeezed to get through the front door together but refused separate from one another. The other boys filtered in and Seth sat in his wolf form to communicate with Jared and Brady. I left Sam and Jake to fill the guys in as Leah and Emily went into the kitchen to fix some food. I stood near out of their line of sight but close enough to eavesdrop on them. Leah was telling Emily something about her relationship with Jake. I couldn't help but notice that her voice had a girlish excitement in it that I had rarely heard before. My teeth automatically started to grind in annoyance. Then the sound of glass crashing to the floor made everyone in the room turn to look at the kitchen. I stuck my head in to see Emily standing with her mouth hanging open as Leah nodded and smiled at her. I looked back at Jake and rolled my eyes a little as I waved for him to continue.

"They're just gossiping, carry on."

The girls didn't seem to notice but Emily spoke in a whisper now as I heard the sound of broken glass being brushed into a dustpan.

"Did you say....?"

"Yup"

"But how?"

"The hard way from what he told me. I didn't want to go into too much detail, this is all pretty new." The guys were back in conversation mode so the girls raised their voices once again, confident no one else was listening.

"Did he say when?"

"At Bella's funeral, on one of her school friends, he imprinted and spent two years fighting it. He said it....."

All the voices in the room faded as I tried to grasp the concept that Jacob Black had beaten an imprint. _How…but it was impossible…Could he even…No way, no there's just… no way…_ My own rambling was confusing me more and I tried to filter my thoughts into one coherent strain. As far as I was aware it was impossible to fight an imprint and not worth trying. The change in Leah's disposition seemed evidence of Jacobs success. The only reason she kept things at a distance with me was out of a fear that I would imprint and leave her just like Sam did. Without that fear she was free to have a real relationship with Jacob just like the one she had with Sam before it was unexpectedly cut short. I felt the jealously radiating from my skin as I realised now that I had almost no chance. I refused to give up that easily. I was in love with Leah and regardless of the talk she had given me, the less then perfect relationship we shared and the fact she was with her seemingly perfect guy, I still had to try. I would probably fail miserably but if I didn't give it a shot I'd never know. Hopefully one more rejection was all it would take for me to finally hate her like I should. As my thoughts became clearer the other sounds in the room started to come back to me and I focused once again on the female voices . Emily was congratulating Leah now as if she had played a part in fighting the imprint. It couldn't be easy for her to say she was happy that Jake had robbed some girl of the love of her life but she owed it to Leah to be fully supportive.

"You have a glow about you that I've never seen. I'm so happy, you deserve this Lee." She was almost squealing her forced enthusiasm. There was a pause and I imagined they hugged now. I wondered if Leah returned it awkwardly like she normally would or if she genuinely hugged her back. I wasn't very experienced with this side of her.

The smell of cooking soon filled the air as the girls quickly set to work. Emily came out to hand around some bowls of chips to tide the boys over temporarily. I realised this was as close to an oppourtunity as I was going to get and slipped into the kitchen . I walked up behind Leah as she stood in front of the glasses cabinet. I leaned over her easily and pressed myself into her back.

"Embry, what are you doing?" she asked in shock. She had been completely oblivious to my entrance. She turned to face me in less then a second and I pinned her back in place with my hips.

"Getting a glass, what does it look like?" I replied casually suppressing the laugh in my head at her annoyed expression. She lowered her voice into a whisper once again.

"You know exactly what it looks like Embry Call, I thought we agreed…."

"We didn't agree on anything. You spoke, I listened." She started to get frustrated with me as she looked towards the door for Emily's return.

"You had your chance and even after our little talk you decide, now, of all times, to make a move? You know how fucked up that is right?"

"Leah I can see it, you're conflicted. If you weren't I'd be on the other side of that wall by now. I'm not stopping you from pushing me away" I smiled knowing my words were true. She pushed me lightly and I pressed into her once again as I pushed off, over-exaggerating the distance as I stepped backwards.

"See? You were in that control that whole time. You can be in control of me anytime you want" I added suggestively.

"For fucks sake Embry, give it up." She seethed eyes on the door once again.

"All I'm saying is when you're sick of sorting out all the bullshit with Jake you know where I am. I know you'll come looking for me when you need the kick only hot, raw, emotionless sex gives you." I was confident in my words. She turned to look me dead in the eyes.

"That will NEVER happen again, and that's a promise Embry." Her stare was powerful and I almost gave up on persisting.

"Never say never Le...." I heard Emily coming back in and Leah quickly moved towards me as she spoke so fast I almost missed it.

"Its not emotionless anymore" she said looking guilty as she moved to the other side of the bench. Emily brushed past my arm on her way to grab some soft drink for the guys. I stood completely still wondering if I had heard her correctly. _Did she just admit that I was more then just an empty screw to her now?_ I could tell her words were meant as a deterrent but they had the opposite effect. She did have feelings for me and if I could combine that with the relationship we use to have I still had a shot at winning her from Jacob. His voice suddenly rang out from behind me and both Leah and I jumped a little when we heard it. He didn't seem to notice.

" Lee are you ready to go? We need to get to the hospital now so we can figure out any security obstacles that could get in our way. Billy is sure we have a few days but the sooner they're taken care of the sooner we can get back to training along with our own pack."

"Yeah I'm coming" she said as she walked past without acknowledging me at all. I didn't care, I still had a shot and that was all that mattered. A new plan started to form in my head as I sat down to eat the meal the girls had prepared. I couldn't help but smirk to myself now. _Neither of them is going to know what hit them _I thought as I took a mouthful of the food in front of me.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N:**Pic of Leah's hair in my profile as well as the new wolfpack boys pic's. *Swoon* over Paul.** EDIT**: Omfg I usually check and double check but I posted my unsaved version (hence the errors). I doubt any of you will be reading it again I just wanted to say that I'm not illiterate...lesson learnt: don't post at 3am guys.

--- --- ---

My eyes scanned the room trying to avoid Embry's glare. He sat perfectly still in the middle of the feeding frenzy, eyes on me, cocky grin on his face. My confession was meant as a plea. I had hoped he would back off but it seemed to have the opposite affect on the stubborn kid. I did care about him and it was more then I had before when he followed me like a puppy dog. The new assertive alpha Embry was both infuriating and enticing. I shifted uncomfortably while concentrating too hard on the half eaten apple in my hand Attempting to be casual I directed my attention to the centre of the room and tried to move out of his direct line of sight.

Unfortunately I was now confronted with the perfect couple themselves. Sam was sitting on a large arm chair with Emily in his lap. Her body weight supported by the arms that were wrapped around her back. They clung to one another as if they had been apart for years. The low inaudible whispers were easy enough to decipher through their body language. Sam was apologising profusely while Emily was pretending that she didn't except his apologies. He would comment and kiss her lightly on the nose and she would shake her head with a giggle. _Ugh _I thought _it's been what, a few hours since you guys have seen one another? Seriously...._

I almost had myself fooled. It was hard not to acknowledge the part of me that wished I was close enough to someone to have that effect on them, my short absence causing such emotional distress. A part of me wanted to be Emily, sitting in Sam's strong arms with a wedding ring and baby on the way. I kept my eyes fixed on them not wanting to look back at the one boy who was willing to give this to me now. A large, warm hand brush across my neck and rested on my shoulder. It squeezed gently while a voice, an inch from my ear, whispered "You ready?" The other boy, the reason I didn't give in to Embry's advances, was looking into my eyes now. I knew I had made the right decision giving Jake a chance. If we didn't work out and Embry turned his back on me then I would only have myself to blame. If I didn't try this new relationship I knew I would end up bitter and resentful as the years went on. Trying and failing was better then that. Anything was better then that.

I finished my apple and moved closer to the door. As I thought of the task ahead a slight shiver of anticipatory excitement ran over me. I quickly excused myself to use the bathroom as I remembered the decision I made as soon after Embry began to tell us of the newborns. My hair was way too long to run with, I needed to lose the extra weight. I wasn't much of a salon girl anyway and this would make a statement about how seriously I took my beta status. I bent forward and tied my hair into a high ponytail right at the hairline. Twisting the thick rope in my hand I took the scissors from the top draw and began to hack away. It took multiple cuts but eventually I was left holding a long clump of black waves in my hand. Pulling out the hair tie I shook my head, almost afraid to see the result. It wasn't bad, not great but not bad. As much as I liked to pretend appearances meant little to me I found myself cutting and styling until I had a choppy almost Mohawk type style. I used a little of Sam's hair wax to hold it in place and then walked back out into the main room as if nothing had happened. Seth was the first to look up from his plate. "Wow Leah, a bit crazy but it looks good." Paul burst out laughing, mouth still full of food, then looked over at Seth and stopped. Sam and Emily were completely absorbed in one another while the rest of the boys gave me encouraging nods and smiles. Embry's wide eyes lingered on me once again. I knew he loved my long hair so I ignored his scowl and approached a smiling Jacob.

"You look fucking hot" he said in a low whisper. I tried so hard not to gush as I brushed off his compliment quickly.

"Long hair was impractical; this should be easier to kill a few vamps in." His kind words meant more to me then I liked. Embry gave up on the complimenting ages ago because he knew I couldn't take it. It usually made the moment awkward and me annoyed. This was one of many things I'd have to get used to. I couldn't help the smile on my lips as we walked towards the door together. "We'll grab my car and go, k?" He said with a smile that matched mine. As if he timed it Embry called out with that arrogance back in his voice.

"Oh Jake, your car? Yeah I borrowed it. I think I left it in the hospital car park." He said as he threw Jake his keys.

The room feel silent as everyone stopped to look at Jacob. The one possession that he had any emotional attachment to was that car. He was also the only person who had ever driven it. I could see the composure it took for him not to loose it at Embry. He forced a "thanks" through his teeth. After a few seconds the room slowly started to fill with noise again. Embry looked upset that he didn't get the reaction he had clearly hoped for. Jake was genuinely trying to make an effort here and Embry was genuinely trying to piss both of us off. I shot him a small warning look as I followed Jacob outside.

--- --- ---

The drive to the hospital was short. He'd made me a sandwich to eat commenting that an apple wasn't a meal and I attempted to drive and devour the giant creation. He changed my radio station twice and I smacked him across the hands twice. He laughed, putting them up in surrender. I was glad he didn't let Embry get to him. This carefree, happier Jacob was the one I remembered from when we were younger. His mood was infectious and my underused cheek muscles were getting a light work out today. I pulled into the hospital, parking near his Rabbit. He jumped out of the passenger's side in half a breath and checked over every last inch of his baby. I stood with my arms crossed, pretending to be annoyed. He looked up at me and moved away from the car.

"Ah just making sure...just checking"

"Yeah, yeah. How about we go deal with the potential vampire threat and then you can drive your car back home ok?"

He nodded as we walked towards the hospital together. Odds were the two pre-newborns would be in the high security area as their unstable behaviour would require at least one guard. As if to confirm it out sensitive hearing picked up the faint screams of the man from before. We followed them to a room with three floor to ceiling glass panes. The first one was covered by a curtain but the second and third were wide open. Jake and I stood behind the curtain as we both peered in. The couple were occupying the two single beds in the room. They had thick brown restraints holding down their arms and legs. Both were writhing in agony as they screamed and contorted in pain. I could hear the woman now, only slightly. Either her voice box had given out or they managed to medicate her into silence. The man on the other hand was almost just as loud. I retreated behind the curtain, my previous good spirits fading. The door to the room opened and Jacob soon moved beside me.

"A nurse and a guard." He said of the two sets of foot steps I could hear. "We need to track their visits over the next hour so we can take them when its all clear."

I just got an hour with Jacob Black, just the two of us. I was going to use this to my advantage. Moving into his side I moulded my body into his. He smiled at me and put his arm around my neck. He didn't feel as hot to me as he would to a normal human but he was still warm and inviting. We sat like that for what felt like seconds before I heard the sound of the room door opening and footsteps once again. It closed after only another minute.

"So far, looks like the watch is set up in ten minute increments. Nurse and guard. They stay for only a minute and leave"

"We should still monitor them for the full hour just in case." I said a little too quickly. He knew why, and squeezed his arm closer around me as I moved into his body a little more. If that was even possible.

"Sure, whatever you say beta" He followed with a light kiss to the top of my head.

The thoughts of Sam and Emily in one another's arms flashed through my mind. It wasn't long ago that I wanted that for myself and now I felt I had it. The feel of his warm breath on my skin made the hair on my arms stand as he rested his chin on my head. I concentrated on the rhythmic moving of his chest with ever new breath he took. It was hypnotic and relaxing and I squeeze myself into him as much as possible. This was all too good to be true and I knew something was going to ruin the moment. It came in the form of a question from Jake.

"So, I don't want to upset you or anything but you did promise to share something with me. I'll show you mine if you show me yours sounds about right...." I groaned as I pulled away to look into his eyes.

"Really? Now? But this is so nice, can't we just enjoy it?" I pouted at him and he raised an eyebrow in return. An overly exaggerated sigh made my annoyance clear but he was right, we did have an agreement. "So? What do you want to know" I said playing dumb. There were too many indiscretions in my past so asking would let him narrow it down to one.

"The...sex, stuff. You and the other guys. Why did you and Embry keep it such a secret? Also, I get the feeling that it wasn't just you and Em." He said the last part like I was going to hit him. I felt the palms of my hands moisten as I sat up straight now. Honest seemed to be the best policy in this situation. It was still early and if he wanted nothing to do with me after this I would recover. Probably...The nerves still took over as I began to speak.

"Embry was on and off for the last year or so. Jared was a stupid mistake I made at the house party recently but before you judge me I was hurt by what _you_ said and he was there and I just wanted to..." Jacob stopped me. He could see how flustered I was getting and I could feel my cheeks burning hot.

"Leah I'm not putting you on trial. Just tell me what you're comfortable with ok? I didn't ask so I can judge you I genuinely want to understand so I can _then_ judge" He laughed to lighten the mood but I couldn't bring myself to fake a smile just yet. I started again, slower this time. I had never spoken about my less then admirable behaviour before and this was harder then I realised.

"After Sam I swore I would never give myself to someone that much ever again. I changed a lot in that time and when dad died I just lost that whole caring side of me. I was fine for a while until I started to miss the physical contact. When I felt how much Embry wanted me I thought as long as I set up some rules I could have the fun without getting too attached. Of course everything just got messed up and I ended up hurting the kid. I didn't mean to, I swear, its just that sex is the only thing I feel I can take praise for, the only thing I can do well that makes me feel close to being a normal woman. There is no talking, no over analysing, I just do what I do best and for a brief moment I can feel like I'm making someone happy while simultaneously satiating my own needs. When it's done I revert back to that emotionless shell I've perfected." It was stupid but I almost felt tears well up at the back of my throat. This was the most honest I had been with myself let alone anyone else in a long time. I dropped my eyes, too scared to look up for a reaction. Of course I wanted to know desperately but I let him make the first move here.

I can't explain the feeling that went through me when he put his arm back around my shoulders. It had been years since I had experienced it. It was more then attraction or desire, I actually felt wanted, cared about. My head swam as I melted into his side instantly. He pulled me closer and again rested his chin on my head. I was beginning to really love when he did that. As much as I wanted to hear what he had to say in response the gesture spoke volumes. He was accepting me for who I was flaws and all. When he did begin to speak they were soft and comforting words.

"Thanks. I just want to get to know you Leah, that's all. No hidden agenda, no judgments. You know I like you, I don't get why you don't think you deserve it."

I couldn't help myself. I sat up on my knees as I placed my hand on the back of his head. His hair was just long enough for me to twirl around my finger. I watched his face for a second allowing myself to enjoy the build up as I leaned in. Our lips barely touched as I closed my eyes and applied pressure. He returning it all too willingly opening his mouth in response. My tongue met with his and I felt moan in the back of his throat. My breathing began to quicken and I pushed my body into him now. His hand moved down my side as it stopped at my hip. Our tongues were perfectly in synch as they massaged one another with a quickening pace. My free hand strayed to his chest and I began to knead where it sat. He instantly tried to pull away but I pulled him back into me again. He slowed it down as he made another attempt to pull away and this time I let him. My head was swimming as I caught my breathe.

"Wow, I just, wow" He said with a goofy expression on his face. As nice as the kiss was I could tell he was inexperienced and I looked forward to teaching him a few tricks. I moved back into my spot, moulding myself into his side. We sat for another minute in silence before hearing the door open once again as the nurse tended to her patients.

"I, ah, I think we should make our move after the next set of rounds." Jake said still recovering. I nodded in agreement, a playful smile on my face.

"So what do you want to do until then?" I asked, playing with the hair on the back of his head again. His tone was more serious then it had been and I tensed up in reaction.

"Leah, I just want to be clear that I really do care about you. I would never do something that you would regret later on." I was confused but I nodded anyway.

"Ok?" was all I could think to get out. I moved to sit up on my knees again ready for more action, less talking, before he held me in place gripping my arms.

"I mean Leah, I...I want to make sure that you understand just how important this relationship is to me and that I won't take it to the next level until I feel that I'm, that _we're _ready for it. I don't want this to be some empty fling that gets ruined by sex."

My heart dropped. That was all I had to offer Jacob. The emotional connection was there but it was mainly prompted by him. Without that I had nothing. I felt my throat tighten as I pulled back. He looked concerned.

"It's not because I don't want to Lee, god no. It's just that I don't think it means the same thing to you that it does to me..."

"Because I'm a slut who sleeps around?" Sadness. Unhidden and raw.

"No, Leah damn it. I meant...ugh...It's just that it's a big deal to me if you know what I mean." He looked embarrassed. Then it hit me. I felt like an idiot once again. I remembered my first time, hell I remembered Sam and Embry's first times. It _was_ important. I used my apologetic voice once again, feeling that this wouldn't be the last time it was called for.

"I know, I get it. Sorry, I'm a little jaded by life if you hadn't guessed." I gave him a half smile and noticed the relief that spread across his face.

"Thanks Lee, really." He smiled at me as we sat together for another few minutes. The adrenaline hit me as I waited patiently for sounds of movement from the small room. The door opened once more we both got to our feet.

"You ready Lee?" He asked as he began to remove his shirt.

"Hell yeah." I replied, doing the same.

--- --- ---

**A/N:** Reposted. Not my final copy but I had to work in something's I meant to cut. The other one I accidentally posted was just an extra 1000 words of nothing. My writers voice disappeared for a while but I find her again next chapter so yay!

**Disclaimer:** Twilight is in no way mine


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N:** So I've made sure to post the right chap this time (sorry bout the last one). It's not 3am this time. Lesson learnt. Oh, I'm pimping some stories in my profile. Not just because they're my girls but because they're genuinely amazing stories. Bec, Sally and Gabi [love4] u guys!

--- --- ---

**LPOV**

Killing was never the hard part for me. A twist. A snap. Faded energy. An empty vessel. Killing was easy. Knowing that this wasn't normal, to have such a nonchalant attitude towards taking a life, that was the hard part.

We stood before the burning fire as our claws sliced through the flesh with ease. The faint sparkle on their pale grey skin was the only sign of an impending transformation. Everything else was still very much human. Blood and plenty of it. Limbs were severed and thrown into the flames before us. They spat back with a crackling sound, devouring the offering we supplied. Hair, skin, fat, organs, bone. All taken greedily by the growing flames.

The temperature it took to completely break down a human body was higher then we could replicate requiring the charred skeletal remains to be buried. We dug together, not needing to communicate. Both knowing that this was our life now. Death, destruction, it was all part of the territory.

And I'd have it no other way.

--- --- ---

With my accumulated sleep debt I'd managed a straight twelve hours from the minute my head hit the pillow to when I woke up. The threat of the red haired vamp had us on a time limit but I needed a good rest. The events of the last week had me worn out and this was as close to recovery time as I was going to get. Jacob was running patrol claiming to have slept enough while in the hospital. He was just as tired as me and he did a poor job of hiding it.

I groaned loudly at prospect of getting out of a warm and inviting bed. Forcing my feet to touch the floor I half stumbled out of my room to the smell of bacon and eggs. Seth was running patrol with Jacob and mom was keeping Charlie occupied in Forks so my kitchen chef was a mystery. As I turned the corner I was greeted by an overly chirpy Emily. She ran over to me and embraced my stiffened body, again pressing her small baby bump into my own stomach. It was too early for this shit.

"Emily...what...you're....why?" was about all I could get out, moving my hand through my bed hair in confusion. I almost panicked for a brief second before remembering that I had chopped it off in moment of impromptu insanity yesterday.

"I wanted to see you Lee, catch up on how things went with you and Jake" as if killing two people had been a date. The girlish sound in her voice was highly irritating at this hour. "You were asleep when I got here so I waited, watched some TV, cleaned up then finally started making breakfast. It's the sure fire way to get Sam out of bed and what do you know? It works on you too." She smiled that perky half smile at me and I couldn't get out the bitchy reply that was in my head. I wanted to. I loved her almost as much as I hated her. Of all the people in my life Emily was the one I bit my tongue for the most. As hard as it was, one look at her scars and I suddenly found the strength to do it.

"Ok, ahh, thanks for breakfast and all but I really should be training now anyway...."

"Jacobs orders Lee. He told me to make sure you didn't leave until you were well rested and had a full stomach."

So it wasn't her idea. She was a spy. _Damn Jacob Black coddling me as if I was a child. Damn him and his looking out for me. Damn him for being so damn sexy...._ My mind drifted to thoughts too early for the morning. It returned as I registered Emily's puzzled expression, standing before me, plate in hand. I grabbed it with a quick "Thanks" while sitting down to eat. She sat beside me with that same annoying look on her face. I could see she was about to say something. I stuffed my mouth as an excuse to not talk.

"You know I haven't seen this Leah in a few years. The glow in your face, the spark in your eye. I've really missed her." She rubbed the hand I wasn't using to shovel food into my mouth and I choked a little. That wasn't what I was expecting. It was way too early for this happy sentimental stuff. Especially since Emily had spent the last few months hating me after I ruined her wedding photos with my surly facial expressions. I swallowed the giant ball of food in my mouth as I placed my fork on the almost empty in front of me.

"All done!" I exclaimed pushing off on my chair. "That was delicious, thanks cuz" I added, planning my escape route. Before I had it figured out the thunderous sound of four angry legs made their way to my door. It swung open smashing into the wall behind it. Jacob stormed in, eyes ablaze, and headed straight for me. He was completely naked but his face was so intense I almost didn't notice.

"_Jake what are you..."_ I started to whisper.

"Lee if he tries anything, _anything_ that you're not comfortable with you just scream my name out and I'll be in there in a heartbeat. If he touches you, if he looks at you, if he breathes in some way that you find offensive, you let me know and I'll tear his balls off so help me God."

"Jacob what the hell are you talking a...." I was interrupted with another set of paws as Embry burst into the front room. He was also naked and also not caring. I had no idea what they were so angry about but it seemed important if neither of them decided they needed clothing.

"I told you to stay out of my fucking head Jacob, that was part of this arrangement. You get your own pack and you stay out of my thoughts."

"You think I want this? You think I wanted to see that shit? I was making a real effort and I see you trying to..."

"Shut up Jake, let her chose what she wants with no input from you."

I briefly glanced over at Emily who was looking everywhere in the room other then at the two large boys standing in front of me. Her embarrassment was so obvious I could almost feel the heat from where I stood.

"If you guys are done can we take this somewhere else?" I said gesturing to Emily with a nod of my head.

They both glanced at her briefly not even registering her discomfort. Jake walked towards me as he placed his hands on my shoulders.

"Lee, please, once and for all sort him out. Whatever you choose I'm fine with, I just can't deal with this level of blind persistence." With that he kissed me lightly on the cheek and walked back towards the door. He shot a warning glance at Embry who refused to take his eyes off of me. Emily excused herself as she ran after Jacob, happy for an escape from the tension in the room. I wanted to follow her, to follow Jacob. I had hoped I could avoid another run in with Embry pre-battle. Guess not

"So you and Jake can communicate in wolf form huh?"

He nodded his head while rolling his eyes at the obvious observation.

"Then what did you say, or think to get him so worked up? And just know that I'm only standing here because I'm sick of this. You have other things to be focussed on and so do I. I want this sorted out..." He cut me off.

"Marry me."

He walked towards me, holding eye contact as he grabbed my hands in his.

"Embry...come on..." I hoped he was joking but his face had never looked more serious.

"I've thought about it and we can make it work. Marry me Leah. I promise that if Jacob can fight an imprint so can I. We'll leave him in charge of the pack and move away. La Push can do without us for a while. You'll study like you wanted and I'll work to support us. We can try for a family, adopting if it doesn't work out. If not there is travelling, seeing the world. The best part of all of this is that time is on our side. Please Leah." He was almost begging me as he leaned into my body. I felt my head swirl. He just offered me everything I thought I wanted and yet it just didn't feel right.

I wasn't in love with him. I wasn't in love with Jacob. Right now I was just starting to like myself again let alone commit to someone else for all eternity.

"Embry. I can't. I'm not in love with..."

"I knew you'd say that but Lee you will be. If you keep opening yourself up, if you let me in more. Trust me I know that we're meant to be together. I'm not usually this stubborn. I know that after all of this stuff with Jacob we'll still eventually end up with one another. I'm just giving you the option now."

He made me angry how he said it so matter of fact, as if I was wasting my time with Jacob. I almost hit him in the face. He spoke with such passion though, such determination. He'd given this a lot of thought.

"You think you know a lot more then you actually do Embry Call." I spat, venom in my tone. He pressed his body up against me completely as he hovered over my mouth for a kiss. I could've pushed away but I wanted it. I wanted to taste him one last time. To tease him as I always did and leave him wanting more.

"This is the last time..." was all I got out before he once again cut me off with his lips on mine. I opened my mouth in response and he slowed his pace. He was kissing me as he used to, slowly and passionately. Tongues moving together, massaging one another, as usual. Except he refused to let me take over as I always did, in complete control for once. So slowly it hurt. Slowly enough to breath properly and elongate the kiss. Slowly enough to remind myself of what usually followed. Slowly enough to make me feel how much he wanted me. Slowly enough to almost make me want to accept his offer.

I tried to pull away after what seemed like hours. He was supporting my entire body weight with a single hand between my shoulder blades. I moved forward into him as I stood on both of my feet once again, still trying to break out of our lip lock. He gave in and moved down my neck as his other hand worked my left breast, kneading it just the way I liked. I groaned involuntarily.

"Embry stop it" I whispered, eyes closed, barely protesting. A kiss was one thing but it wasn't going any further. Even if I could feel how ready he was pressed into my hip. He moved his lips down my chest, ignoring my protest.

"No seriously Embry, enough." I managed to get out while pulling away. He pushed me backwards towards the dining table, smashing the plate that was on it to the ground. In a single swift movement he lifted me on top of it and continued to silence me with his mouth. I started to panic. I tried to pull away but he pushed my head back in place with his hand. Rough. Too rough. I stopped moving my mouth as he continued to force his tongue around. He ripped my singlet from me completely exposing the top half of my body. His free hand moved quickly over my back and down towards my hips. I couldn't get the words out but he knew. From the way I was resisting. From the way my body was pulling away. From the slight shaking that his touch caused. He knew. He finally pulled back for a breath allowing me enough time for me to get out a "stop".

I tasted salt on my tongue as I watched him move towards the door frame in less then a second. His back was to me but I saw his head tilt my way as he said something I couldn't hear. Then he turned into a wolf and was gone. I checked my eyes to see if the salty taste was my own tears but I knew my ducts were empty. They were his.

I sat in shock for the next twenty minutes. I blamed myself. Then I blamed him. Then I blamed myself again.

Had I encouraged it?

Did anything happen? He did mange to stop after all.

No, something did happen. Something almost happened.

But again, was it my doing?

If there was ever a moment to cry this would be it but my body refused to let me. My tear ducts stopped functioning after I wasted them on Sam. So I sat, for another half hour, in the same position. Still trying to make sense of what happened. At some point I had covered my exposed chest with the table cloth below me. I stared at the open door hoping someone would come along and tell me the last hour had a been a nightmare.

Instead I heard the pained sound of a wolf howling in the distance. Then another. Three in total. I had no time to breakdown now. It was an unmistakable battle cry. The vampires were here early. I ran to the door, phasing in a heartbeat on my way to meet the other guys.

Killing a few vampires would help me move through the pain that was starting to consume me. If I failed then the pain would be gone forever. Either way, I would take it.

--- --- ---

**A/N:** I'm going to do some horrible things in the next chapter or two. I toned this one down a lot for Kazama-Chan but next chapter I kill at least one person and I know it won't be liked. I'm also considering killing another character atm but I'm not sure yet. If you want to save anyone in particular let me know. I'll think about limiting my killing spree. Remember we have Jared, Seth, Sam, Jacob, Embry, Quil and Paul to kill off. The newbies don't count. Anyway prepare for some sadness to come!


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N:** So, I did listen. About 99% of you said not to kill one of the people that was on my hit list. This chapter is pretty intense guys. If I have any readers after this one then I'll be surprised. Rangiku, enjoy the violence my dear. Oh and Lola lu, this chapter is gonna make u think I'm crazy (not that you don't know that already I guess lol)

**Disclaimer:** This chapter is evidence of the fact that Twilight is Stephenie's and not mine.

--- --- ---

Stench. Sickly and sweet. A searing pain burned through my nose as it trailed down my throat. The tainted breath torturing me as I exhaled. It was an all consuming distraction, clouding my thoughts as I approached the battle scene. Resisting the temptation to pack my nose full of dirt I accepted that mind over matter would have to suffice for now.

The battle was already underway when I arrived, pulling up just behind Quil making us the last to the party. We both scanned the scene, trying to figure out if there was a plan in place.

_There wasn't time, cover the less experienced but make sure you are your main priority. That's the plan. _

Jacob's voice was strong but his lack of confidence made it waver. Seconds were all we could afford as we finished our quick assessment. They out numbered us two to one judging from the blurs of white between bared canines and blood streaked fur. Miss Red was standing back with a male guarding her. She didn't need protection, she seemed confident in her army. It was more of an insurance against getting her hands dirty. Her front line consisted of the less experienced. Obvious from their lack of fighting skill. The ones closet to her seemed to be waiting, watching us as their sacrificial lambs helped them to assess our weaknesses.

A few severed limbs were already discarded on the ground. My beta mode kicked in. We needed a fire to have any chance at defeating them, without it they would reconstruct themselves causing them to be unbeatable.

_DON'T YOU DARE LEAH, we'll start it soon enough. DON'T go off on your own..._ Jacobs threats were heavy but empty without alpha authority. He didn't have time to correct himself. At that very second a frenzied figure flew at Quil and I. With a flash of chocolate brown fur Quil pinned him to the ground, his own shining canines glistening. I took that as my out and fled into the forest behind me.

A dead bush. Two stones. A few trees, toppled by a quick shoulder charge, and we had our fire. I congratulated myself as I stood over the growing flames. Jacobs pride was just as strong as his fading infuriation at me for disobeying him. The boys instantly moved closer to the fire as I tried to rejoin them. A sharp pull threw me suddenly as I felt my head jerk upwards. A hand was clutching at a fistful of my hair, nails scraping the tender skin below the follicles. Now it was time to play.

I ducked my head throwing the inexperienced vamp forward into me. A hard pivot left him on the ground below. With five diamond sharp claws on his neck I tore at his throat. A final cut severing his head while pinning down his still moving body below my feet. Running forth I threw the head into the flames leaving the rest of the body aside. Another one, this time a woman, grabbed my tail, jerking my body backwards. Her face moved down, mouth wide, teeth bared. Too consumed with bloodlust she loosened her grip. It was almost too easy. I ducked behind her quickly and kicked her to the ground. Tearing her spine out with my teeth, I then threw her body in the flames behind me. I saw other flashes of fur as the boys followed suit.

The numbers had dwindled down to a level playing field. Red stood in the back ground instructing her minions to keep away from the fire. Only three listened. I made note of the exposed weakness. Their bloodlust was stronger then their will to obey. Big mistake.

The newest additions forgot to use their whole bodies. If they used their legs, their arms were exposed. If they used their arms their legs were clumsy. I managed to plow through three on my way towards Red. I could see the two unfamiliar wolves being covered by a larger grey wolf with small spots on his fur. Embry. A half second of anger cost me more then I could afford. My momentary distraction lead to two of the more experienced vamps pushing me into the ground. A large male moved to sit on my back as he grabbed my head in his hands ready to twist it and snap my neck. His grip tightened and I began to wheeze a failed attempt at a choke as they clamped done on my windpipe. A sudden blur of dark silver tackled him to the ground, tearing an arm off with his teeth.

_Thanks Paul_ was all I could get out before the one at my legs picked me up and smashed me to the ground with a crunch. I held back a howl but the pain was too much to hide. _LEAH!_ Jakes panicked voice tore through our heads and I saw Paul wince. _I'm fine Jake_ I replied, trying to figure out what had cracked. He'd dislocated my knee. I'd had worse. Still pinned to the ground, I attempted to kick off the vamp above me. The socket clicked back in place with less pain then I expected. The annoyed vamp leapt for me, teeth bared and I ducked to avoid them. He fell over my back and I ran for the fire, throwing him in. He walked straight back out, unscathed, when a large russet brown wolf slamed him into the ground below.

_Rip off any part you can get your teeth around Leah. Do it now. _ That was said with true alpha authority.

I tore off his arm at first as he clutched at me even after they had been removed. Throwing them into the hungry flames his head was next and Jake took care of the rest. We easily outnumbered them now and it seemed all of our boys, even the two newbies, were still standing. Then I heard a deeply pained howl as I swung around to see Red's protector snapping the legs of a sandy coloured wolf.

Seth.

I lost it. The composure I took pride in, the control, gone. I ran through the battle field throwing aside anyone who stood in my way. He used a fingernail to slice open the side of Seth's neck causing a stream of crimson to gush forth. The minion offered him to her like a snack and she wrinkled her nose in disgust. I was more then pissed and instead of taking aim at the vile leech I lunged at her.

She threw me into the arms of one of her offsiders. With a dangerous smirk he tossed me to the ground. Lifting his foot he smashed it into my still healing kneecap. He had been watching me, enough to observe this weakness. He twisted his foot while holding me in place. My body betrayed my strong mind set and I let out a howl of pain. A large black wolf lunged for him as I writhed in agony on the ground below. Sam to the rescue. His claws managed to take a chunk of the vamps face while leaving behind three deep lines. The leech looked at him in with pure hate on his face as Sam taunted him to move away from me. His weakness was his pride and he took Sam's bait allowing my bone to begin to heal slightly. Lifting my head to look behind me I saw Jacob and Quil had taken over from the fight as Seth lay incapacitated on the ground.

_Seth?_ The fear in my voice evident.

Silence.

SETH?? I called with a howl, trying to pull myself up on three legs.

_Yeah, I'm ok Lee's. _Relief. I realised I had stopped breathing and greedily took a deep breath as soon as I heard his reply. I made my way over to Seth, turning behind me to see if the leech had noticed my attempt to crawl away. I was just in time to see the tall, burly vamp holding Sam's head in his hands. Seconds made every difference in this fight. It took only one to hear the crack. The crack that accompanied the twist. With all the sounds of a battle, heavy foot steps, laboured breaths, screams of pain, with all the sounds it was that crack that now echoed through my eardrums.

Sam.

Everything slowed in an instant. The leech smirked once again as he threw the limp, lifeless body at me. It hit my back with enough force to pin me to the ground. The impact pushed the last burst of air from his lungs as it touched my fur. It was still warm. I felt my brothers as they picked up on my grief.

Shock. Confusion. Anger. Rage. We all shared the same mindset. Rage was not a place the vampires wanted us in.

I leapt up on all four paws, forgetting the pain that had burned through my leg as Sams body fell to the ground. The sharp white bone burst through my skin, clearly visible through the grey fur. Paul saw and covered me, tackling Sam's murderer to the ground. Jared joined him, taking revenge for their now departed friend. I painfully moved my leg around until the two broken bits of bone connected. It would still take a minute for the healing to set enough to run on three good legs. A minute was as dangerous as an hour but my brothers were there to cover me. Seth was still out but Quil was looking after him, fighting the last two vamps on his own. Embry and Jacob were circling Red who finally looked worried. They weren't leaving me out of this one.

Crouching forth on my hind legs I moved to charge at her as Quils howl pierced my ears. I turned to see him fall to the ground as the newborn that stood above him spat out the blood that covered his mouth.

_QUIL! _Seth screamed out while attempting to stand on his own four broken legs. I ran over as the venom took hold of Quil, writhing and convulsing on the ground. More rage this time as I leapt at both of the newborns. The first one was in pieces in a few seconds but I tore up the second one slower, making sure he felt the pain as payment for what he had done. By the time I was finished Quil was gone. I could only imagine the pain that his pack brothers had experienced in his final moments. Venom was the worst way a wolf could die.

This was all her fault. Coming back here for a dead vendetta. If not for her Sam would be a father in less then six months. And Quil, Quil would be going off to college. This was all her fault. Jacob and Embry had her pinned down. The two alpha's no match for the pathetic leech. She was out of both minions and time.

I made sure Jacob knew what I wanted as I raced towards them. Her flame like hair called me like a beacon to her demise. As the two alpha's held her in place I moved over her body, spitting in her face. Lifting a paw to her throat, I pushed it downwards with as much force as I could. Then I grabbed hold of her spine and pulled it through the hole I had created. She was still able to feel pain as we kept most of her body intact. Each of the remaining wolves joined us now, including Seth. We all took turns at hacking her body to bits making sure she felt every cut. We then carried the remains to the flames while collecting any evidence of vampiric activity.

Sam and Quil were the last bodies. We couldn't even take back their human forms. When the post battle clean up was complete we laid them to rest on the battle ground. An honourable warrior's burial. The real funeral would consist of an empty casket service. A sad necessity.

Embry would tell the Ateara family. He volunteered. I would tell Emily. I owed it to her.

Although we had won the battle everyone of us felt like we had lost much, much more.

--- --- ---

Jacob and I stood at Emily's front door. Both with traces of recently healed wounds on our skin and clothing. Neither caring. Again I stood with no plan, the hope that it would come to me when I saw her face all I had. The one thing I was sure of was the longer I waited the more unfair it was that I knew and she didn't. Taking a deep breath I exhaled it in short, nervous bursts. Jacob rubbed the back of my neck.

"I'm here for you Lee, if you need me to take over at anytime just let me know."

I wasn't sure if I had the strength to do this on my own and had my nerves allowed me I would have smiled in gratitude. It took everything in me to lift my now heavy arm and knock on the door.

Nothing.

I looked at Jacob and he knocked this time, louder.

Nothing again.

Her car was in the driveway and she would never leave knowing that Sam was taking part such monumental fight. I started to worry. Their bond was strong, it was possible she knew already.

I moved towards the door, pushing it open slightly.

"Emily? Its me, Leah."

She was no where to be seen. Jacob gestured towards the bedroom, thinking he had heard something. The door was closed. I opened it slowly, peering in as I did.

"Emily, Hello? Its Le....."

My breath caught sharply as I pushed the door all the way. She was sitting on the floor, bed sheets strewn around her. It looked like she had fallen out of it at some point. Her eyes were still focused on the same spot in front of her, not registering our presence. A pool of blood was between her legs covering the ground below and the sheets in her lap. She looked up at my horrified face with tear stained cheeks.

"They're both gone, aren't they?" She asked with black eyes and red puffy lids. She turned back to the spot she was fixated on when we entered.

"Yes. They're both gone." She answered herself with a slight rocking motion. "Yes."


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N:** Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chap! Even the ppl that I think wanted to hurt me : ) (side note: on the Entertainment Tonight NM promo's, Taylor as Jacob running out of his house... *dies*)

--- --- ---

She looked so frail for one with nothing left to break. Her forehead was damp, the sheen of a cold sweat covered in strands of matted black hair. The warm brown of her skin now had a sickly yellow tinge. The colour also tainting the whites of her eyes. Her large pupils however were a hollow black. The light behind them gone. Red swollen lids accented them still, although the last tear she had shed was hours ago.

Occasionally she made a soft whimpering noise but she never spoke. She lay all day in the same position, knees curled up to her chest, arms wrapped around them. Her eyes remained wide open as she blinked on occasion. Food and sleep were refused. The latter only causing her to awaken in panic. I was here for her always. Alert as she slept. Ready for the onslaught of tears upon her awakening. I would hold her until she stopped shaking. The few seconds it took to realise that her nightmares were no match for her real life broke my heart every time. I now gripped her tightly to avoid the pain in her eyes. Easy for me. She had no such option.

I watched as her eye lids grew heavy, each blink slowing. She was on the verge of falling asleep. Sometimes it took only minutes for her to tear herself out of her nightmares, sometimes hours. I sat closer to the bed as I watching over her. The scars I had grown accustomed to seemed frightening without the life in her face to mask them. They were a curse. A constant reminder of her lost love that repulsed any potential suitors. Her heavy lids closed as her breathing slowed. This would be a shallow sleep. I could tell now. The heavier sleeping usually occurred when they medicated her enough. No this would be short, and I would be ready.

Jake tried to sit with me but his presence only made Emily more distraught. All of the boys did. Russet skinned ghosts, walking reminders of her lost husband. For now both my mother and I were keeping watch of her as the only ones she would allow in her room. The doctor confirmed that it was rare to lose a baby at nineteen weeks but fortunately she was still able to have children in the future. Her face remained unchanged at the news. She seemed resolved that there was no future for her.

Mom would be here soon. I needed sleep. I needed to be in Jakes arms. I needed to feel that there was some hope in the world as I sat through half a day of pity for my poor cousin. I hated that I had that option, that he would be waiting for me when I left. Emily had a cold hospital room and an empty house awaiting her return. Jake had dismantled the crib Sam made, storing the rest of the baby stuff in his garage. We figured it was the last thing she would want to be greeted with upon her return home. A parcel of baby clothes arrived just yesterday from our cousin. We couldn't be there for every delivery or every question about the baby. We could be there for Emily though, at the very least. Whatever it took.

My thoughts were interrupted as she shot forward, body convulsing, choking on her sobs. Arms at the ready I gripped her tightly, trying to keep her calm and hold her in place. My strength was no match for her and the shaking slowed to just a light tremble. That was as close to normal as she got. She gripped me as a show of her appreciation before letting go. Falling back onto the bed as if it was nothing unusual she settled back into the fetal position.

Tomorrow was Sam's funeral. We still didn't know if she was coming. We had both asked, my mother and I. Neither wanting to push her. A light tapping on the door indicated that my mom was here. She would hopefully be able to convince her to attend. If not I would take her to Sam's real grave instead, away from the others. Our own private service. I stood up giving my cousin a kiss on her cheek goodbye. As I walked out of the room a faint voice called out to me.

"Stay with me tomorrow Leah?"

I swung around startled, unsure if she had spoken or if it was wishful thinking.

"Here?" I asked, hopeful she would reply.

"No, at his…the….tomorrow. Stay with me ok? You and Sue. I need you."

I was so relieved to hear her voice, evident in the smile that broke across my face.

"Of course. I'll be back tomorrow to help you check out ok?"

I was never the girl to turn to in these situations, that was more Emily's style. She gave me a faint half smile as she returned to face that same spot on the wall. I walked out to let mom in. After a quick update on her status, sleep patterns included, she was ready to take over. I saw Embry out the corner of my eye but pretended not to notice. Mom walked in I took off in the opposite direction. Large cautious foot steps followed me as a voice called out my name.

"Lee?"

I stopped. It was not like I could avoid him forever. Turning to face him I realised this was the first time I had seen him since the battle. He was pale, much like the others. Grief effecting our appetites as well as sleep patterns. His hair was dishevelled and his face had a thick coating of stubble. I knew I didn't look too hot either but Embry was just a mess. My previous resolve to punch him in the face had faded. Recent events considered, our issues seemed petty in comparison.

"How is Quil's family?" I asked before he could speak. I had been wondering for days.

His head dropped as if the weight of that question was too much. No doubt he was going through a painful replay of the news he had delivered. I could relate.

"Not great, as you can imagine. Old Quil is strong but Rowena won't stop crying. She keeps holding me like I'm a substitute for him. I let her. I don't know if it's something I should be encouraging or not but I do. She cleaned his room when I was over, as if he was coming back home. Its just, ah, it's hard."

Poor Rowena. First losing her husband and now their son. I had used Emily as my excuse not to see her yet. The truth was the memory of Quil's death was still too vivid in my mind. I was already dealing with the constant replay of Sam's death. It was selfish but I didn't know if I could handle them both at the same time.

Embry's face held a lot of pain. He was not dealing with his grief yet, too busy supporting others in theirs. He seemed more like his old self now. The sweet kid that others looked to for support. He was always good with that. I was not. I had only very little to offer as a friend but I still wanted to try.

"You want to come over and I'll make you something to eat?" I blurted out.

His face lit up. I had extended a branch. The past was now officially in the past.

"Yeah that would be good, thanks Lee. I've missed your cooking you know."

I had no doubt, he loved anything I made. All of the guys did. Then again if it was food they were in

"I wanted to see Emily but your mom said she's not ready yet so I can head back to your place with you if you want?"

"We're only stopping their briefly, I'm staying at Jakes. I can cook for you there"

His face dropped again.

"Actually I'll give it a miss."

"Embry, come on…"

"No thanks Leah, I'm suddenly not hungry. I have to go anyway."

"Where are you…."

He walked off before I finished my sentence. I considered going after him for a second but stopped when I realised it was probably a good thing that he wasn't coming over for dinner. I continued my exit from the hospital, grateful that tomorrow would be my last day here.

Walking outside the fading sunlight seemed brighter then usual. The fresh air was just as inviting as I let it fill my lungs. A full day of confinement heightened your senses. I savoured the moment before looking at the car park. Leaning against a tiny run down car was a tall russet skinned boy. His face was also covered in stubbled although not as much as Quil's. He knew I hated it. His hair was still wet from a recent shower, a few strands hanging down his forehead. He smiled at me as I walked over to him, smiling in return. I was getting used to the way my lips involuntarily mimicked his own grin. I couldn't' help it when I was around him. He grabbed me, hugging me first. He would wait until I returned it before breaking the hug and taking me in for a soft kiss.

"I've missed you" He said pulling away.

My eyes opened slowly. My smile was my way of telling him I had missed him too.

As we did each night the first stop was my house. Seth and the other guys were there and I filled them in with Emily's progress. Grabbing a change of clothes we headed back to the Jake's place. Billy was home and he made a point of welcoming in. He didn't hide that my relationship with Jake got his full approval. Rachel was the same. She always made sure to save me some food joking that she had to lock Paul away to do so. Even Paul was happy to have me around...to an extent. He said it was because both Jake and I "weren't such bitches" when we were together. That was pretty deep and meaningful considering the source.

After another night of good food and good conversation I headed back to Jacobs room. There was no pressure with us. He would squeeze himself right up against the wall and I would press myself into him as I lay at his side. I wanted more, he knew that, but right now was not the time to pursue anything. After my days with Emily this was all I wanted. To be in Jakes arms as he waited for me to fall asleep. I pushed the guilt of my contentment away. This was our time and I refused to let anything ruin it.

--- --- ---

I woke up fully rested for the first time in the last few nights. I had my share of nightmares but they were getting easier to manage. When the same images are on replay during the day the night version isn't as terrifying as it should be.

Jacob was still asleep. His mouth wide open, corner glistening with a touch of drool. His throat rumbled with a low snore. I slowly left the bed not wanting to disturb him and he rolled over instantly taking up the tiny space I had occupied. After a shower and breakfast with Rach he was still asleep. I crept in to give him a kiss before heading back to the hospital when he grabbed me and pulled me into him. He kissed me hard as he stretched his arms around me. I let a laugh escape my lips, caught off guard.

"Well, morning to you too." I stated. He grinned at me before pouting.

"That time already huh?"

"I know. But its a big day today. Emily's first time around other people and all. I want to get in early, help her get prepared."

He smiled thoughtfully at me as he ran his hand through his hair.

"Call me and I'll come and pick you up."

With one last kiss, slightly lingering, kiss I went to get a ride to the hospital with Rachel and Paul. Entering the long white corridors was almost pleasant for once. _Just one more day_ I thought to myself. As I walked closer to Emily's room I saw my mom standing outside looking worried. Panic set in. I starting running towards her, a feeling of dread catching in my throat.

"Mom? What's wrong? Is it Emily, is she ok?"

She gripped my arms to calm me down.

"Yes _she's _ok...Leah. Its not her. Embry is in there with her."

"What she let someone else in?" I was releaved beyond words "That's great news. Maybe the funeral won't be so bad for her today."

I smiled back at her as I entered the room.

"No Leah wait.."

As I walked in Embry was in my seat watching over Emily.

Déjà vu.

He had that same glassy eyed look of adoration on his face that Sam once had. He didn't even acknowledge me as I burst into the room. Emily smiled my way, completely oblivious to what had happened.

Embry imprinted on her.

I wanted to rip his throat out but I didn't know why.

"Embry? Can I see you outside for a minute." I asked through clenched teeth.

"No Leah, I'm busy." He replied without even glancing at me.

Definitely déjà vu.

I walked past my mother as I headed for the rest room. Shutting myself in a cubicle I took in what had just happened. Embry imprinted on Emily. The next alpha in line imprinted on the previous alpha's wife. It made sense in a sick, cosmicly twisted way. Apart from the completely inappropriate timing, Emily's current vulnerable state and the fact that I now no longer existed in his eyes, why did I care? He finally had someone else, someone good who would treat him right.

So again, why did I care?

The hospital curse broke me down again and I did the one thing that I would only allow myself to do in these walls. I burst into tears.

--- --- ---

**A/N:** So...I'm almost scared to ask but what's the ratio here, Clearcall vs Blackwater (in this story). I'm pretty sure I already have the final Leah/? pairing done in my mind but I'd like to know what you guys think.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N:** Sex and Violence, my two favorite things :D. This chapter has both. I have no morals but I feel somewhat obligated to warn the younger readers. Best you guys stop reading about a quarter of the way through. For the rest, I hate cheesy lemon clichés like "throbbing member" and her "nub" so I'm sorry if it's not Mills and Boon enough for some of you lol. The last chapter brought a lot of reviewers out of hiding which was a bit exciting. Hi to the anon ones who I can't reply to. Ok, this chap is long enough so I'm a stop. Thanks to Punks for reading over my drunken posting and fixing it up *mwah*. Enjoy, smut/Blackwater fans ; )

--- --- ---

Frustrated and angry I emerged from the restroom only after I was confident the traces of my breakdown were gone. Red puffy lids and bloodshot eyes had faded replaced with my usual scowl. Most people saw crying as a release, a way of letting out bottled emotions. I saw it as weak and fruitless, hindering the thought process. This hospital was the only place that could break me. So much sorrow still lined these walls. I took advantage of it though, getting out all I needed to. Tears of grief for Sam, Quil and Emily. Tears of confusion for Embry and Jake. I had what I wanted finally. I was with Jake. Everything with him felt so natural, so easy. The heat was still there but without the chase it had dissipated. He was loving and comforting, as perfect as I could imagine. He gave me space and was always supportive. But it was more then I deserved and it made me feel self-conscious. Pretty words and soft kisses were fine for most but they were empty to me. I needed to chase and be chased. To be fighting for dominance in the relationship. I needed fire. Embry had offered me that and of course I figured it out too late. He said he would fight an imprint for me. We would marry and live happily ever after. Lies. Just like Sam. Promises of a future that faded in a cosmically charged second.

A final check in the mirror and I left the restroom behind me. I couldn't sit through the funeral without speaking to Embry first. I had no words yet, just a growing rage. Storming down the hall I burst into Emily's room. She was hardly fazed as she continued packing the overnight bag that I had brought in for her.

"Hey Leah." She said with a faint smile.. She looked much better. For that I was grateful. I didn't want her to see the rage in my eyes so I looked straight at Embry.

" I need to talk to you." My tone was demanding. He looked anxiously over at Emily who continued packing happily.

"I..no, I need to…" He started.

"NOW."

Both Emily and my mom looked at me. Mom's eyes flashed me a warning, this wasn't the time. I ignored her as I stormed out into the corridor. Embry followed reluctantly, turning back to smile at Emily as he closed the door behind him. I grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him to the side of the door.

"Are you fucking kidding me Embry Call? You imprint on my cousin the day of her husbands funeral. What is wrong with you?" I spat the words into his face, only inches away. I was just so frustrated. Embry was calm and collected which infuriated me further.

"I'm not stupid Leah, she doesn't know I've imprinted. She just feels comfortable around me now and I'm happy to keep it that way... well for as long as she needs me too."

I wanted to punch him in the face.

"As long as she needs.. Really. So if I had chosen you only a week ago and this happened you would've tossed me aside that easily, huh? What happened to 'I'll fight it, we'll start a new life together,etc etc'"

"Well you didn't chose me did you? Guess we'll never know. What can I say Leah, sounds like karma to me." His eyebrow was raised to match his smug expression.

I did punch him this time. A right hook to his left cheek. I didn't even feel the contact as my fist hit the side of his jaw. His face snapped sharply and an involuntary spray of saliva burst out of his mouth. It was fantastic. He turned his head back to me slowly, rubbing the tender area as the redness began to fade. His mouth opened to say something and I balled my hand into a fist at the ready.

"What is your problem? Are you trying to tell me that now, only now, you want to be with me because of some want-what-you-can't-have bullshit. Do you realize how sick that is? As long as Leah Clearwater is happy then all is right with the world. I get a girl like Emily, an amazing girl that fate ties me to, what did you think I was going to do? Go back to the one who plays stupid mind games with me. You need to get over yourself Leah."

My rage was shot down by the confident and honest man standing in front of me. A fight I could handle but this... this left me with nothing. I stood dumbfounded as I stared into his contented eyes. He was happy for the first time in a while. That made me feel even worse. Thoughts of all the times I used and discarded him came back to me. It _was_ karma. My tough exterior broke.

"I'm...I'm sorry. I should know that I'm not worthy of fighting an imprint over. Jake did it for a dead girl and yet I've had two guys turn their backs on me instantly. All signs lead to me as the problem. Guess I'm just a bit slower then the rest of you." I dropped my head as I reflected on my own pathetic situation. Truthfully I deserved none of them. Jake was way too good for me and I had no right to challenge Embry's pseudo happiness either.

I felt his hand on the back of my neck as he moved his fingers in an effort to comfort me. I looked back into his eyes and I finally saw something else in them. He was conflicted.

"Leah, you know it's not that simple. Of course you're worth it. It's just..."

Instinctively I felt myself leaning into him. I studied his eyes in fascination. I had never seen Sam's waver in the slightest but Embry's were not the clouded over, soul removed, blankness that I saw when Sam had looked at me. Our lips were almost touching but I didn't realize until I saw him look down at them. I blushed and stood back. Embry turned to look down the hall. His expression dropped.

Jake.

He was frozen in place as he looked at me with disappointment in his eyes. I looked back at Embry, shame now filling my own face. The guilty red tinge implying more then had actually happened. Embry had already turned his back on me, heading back in to Emily's room.

For a moment I was too scared to turn around, to see Jake standing there with that same look on his face.. I felt sick inside. I looked down the hall slowly but he was gone. Running to follow him I saw the Hospital doors closing. I took off outside smelling his scent on the air. He had changed. Tattered clothing were strewn across the ground almost directly outside the door. He knew better then to change in such a public place. I ran towards the woods phasing as soon as I was shielded from the view of others. His pain hit me in an instant.

_Leah, get the fuck out of my head. _

He had never sworn at me before and it threw me for a second. I needed to proceed with caution. His thoughts swirled around me. The hidden jealously he had suppressed over my being anywhere near Embry was revealed. The glances that I thought he had missed were there too. His confidence in my loyalty to him was the only thing stopping him from tearing Embry's face off. My loyalty. The part that hurt the most.

_Jake...honestly nothing happened. Look for yourself if you don't believe me._

I regretted those words as soon as I said them. He began searching my mind for the answers. Although we had not kissed I had still been searching his eyes for the hope that he still cared for me. That was worse. I slipped and a flash back to the kiss that we had just before the battle was revealed. I felt Jakes anger turn to pure hate as he saw that it almost went too far.

_He did that to you and you left him standing?_

_Its not like that Jake._

_Don't even try to justify that shit to me. I don't even know why you would. Unless... do you love him?_

_No. _I answered honestly.

_Do you love me?_

_No. _Again, honest.

_Here and now Leah, who do you want to be with?_

The question was too hard to answer as I attempted to censor my thoughts with Jacob in my head. I failed. My embarrassing crush for him came forward as did a few of the many fantasies that accompanied it over the last year. Then some real life experience with Embry, equally as cringe worthy. The comfort I felt from him was next. The desire I felt from Embry followed. In short I had an answer.

_I don't know. _

His rage had disappeared as he continued to search my mind himself, picking and choosing what he wanted.

_Jacob stop it, ask me if you want to know something._

_I can't ask you if I can't trust you. You chose to follow me so that's your problem._

I wanted him out of my head. Phasing abruptly I changed into a human and awkwardly rolled across the forest floor. Jacob ran towards me pinning my naked body below him.. His hot breath was on my skin as I struggled under his enormous form.

"Get off of me Jake"

He phased on top of me, our exposed bodies pressed against one another now. He still had me pinned beneath him as he looked into my eyes. His eyes were heavy but I had no idea with what. I thrashed around beneath him as I tried to squirm away. He placed his lips beside my ear as hot breath and husky voice took over.

"I refuse to give up on you. I've been overbearing with someone before. I've given you too much room now. I'm done with games. You think Embry is the only one who can fight for what he wants?"

My breath caught as I stopped struggling at his words. Shock. I was unsure if I had heard correctly but he confirmed it as his lips were suddenly on mine. He started off forcefully as he lightened the kiss. Large, rough hands slipped down my back towards my hips as he explored my skin. A hand moved over my breast causing him to force open my mouth with a light groan. He moved back to take in my body. His confidence slipped occasionally as awe would fill his eyes and it was only then I realized he was inexperienced. He inched his way down my face lingering on my breasts before moving down further. His lust filled gaze had me incredibly hot and I felt my mind wander back to all those fantasies I had let myself have of Jacob Blacks first time. This was better then any of them. He trailed his fingers down to my stomach, stopping just before he got any further.

"You're god damn beautiful Leah."

I felt him press into my thigh, already hard, and realized this was about to happened for real. I wanted it so badly now my hips were moving upwards on their own as they encouraged him to take me. My mind stopped for a sharp second when I remembered his promise of waiting until he was ready. I reluctantly spoke.

"You don't have to do this Jake. You've got me, trust me. Embry is out of the picture now. There is nothing to prove."

"I'm not doing this for him or for you. You have no idea how ready I am. I'm making my own memories, ones that you'll be thinking of throughout the day. Ones that will have you calling me to your place at 3am.. Ones that will cause our pack of brothers to beg you to stop running with them."

His sureness made me even hotter then before. I wanted him in me desperately. It had been so long since I had meaningful sex, let alone sex itself. I began to squirm below him.

"Jake...please…."

He smirked at me, pleased at my pain.

"Are you begging me Clearwater? Do you need me that much that you're begging?"

He stood up and turned to walk away. The sight of his taught, chocolate behind was torture. My usually graceful movements were gone as I clumsily pulled myself up from the ground.

"What…where are you going?"

He looked back with that smirk still in place.

"Time to make up your mind Leah, do you really want this?"

It wasn't fair. He was playing dirty. I wanted to be angry at him but this rough, determined Jacob was intensely hot. I ran ahead of him standing face to face as I stood on my toes looking into his eyes. I mimicked his own smirk as I replied.

"Stop being a prick tease and just fuck me Jacob"

His grin gleamed as he pushed me backwards, my body hitting a tree. He pulled my leg up to his side as my knee was level with his rib cage. My back hit the rough bark as he lifted me up, supporting my whole body weight.

"Are you ready?" He asked while licking his bottom lip. I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Are _you_ ready kid?"

"You have no idea what we guys talk about when you're not running with us do you?"

Before I could fully take that in I felt him enter me. He stopped half way as his face fell forward, his lips besides my ear. He let out a groan as hot air trailed down my neck. The sensation made me shiver. He pulled out slowly then went back in again. His eyes were closed and after a few strokes he was all the way inside me. Our hard stomachs were pressed against one another as his free hand ran down the side of my breast and rested on my hip. His chin was on my forehead, my own hot breath on his neck.

"Go on then. If you're going to make me forget the others you're going to need to work for it." I smiled into his neck with my words.

He pulled back with those glorious white canines bared and grabbed my other leg. I wrapped myself tightly around him. He was supporting my full body weight as his hands sat on my hips and he pushed himself even further into me somehow. My back was pressed into the tree as he started up again. He wasn't gentle which I liked. He also wasn't fumbly as Sam and Embry had been their first time. His confidence outshone his lack of experience and I wondered which of the brothers had been sharing their game plan with him.

He kissed me roughly again. His tongue worked my mouth as we were both struggling for air. He was getting faster and rougher. My back scraped against the hard bark opening wounds that healed back over in an instant. They burnt. Everywhere burnt. Inside and out. The freezing cold air only heightened the feeling of Jacob's fiery skin on mine and I closed my eyes, concentrating on the delicious friction moving in and out of me. Jacob was close, I could feel it. I didn't blame him, It was his first time. I was pretty close myself but I wouldn't get there with him. He was slamming my hips in toward him now, I wanted it to go on forever.

"I'm going to.." He said, almost asking for permission. I looked into his face as his eyes were closed in concentration.

"Do it Jake" I whispered as a challenge.

Before I finished my sentence I felt him release while his hands dug into my hips. He was beautiful as he shuddered inside of me. His first orgasm ever. He almost dropped me to the ground and I wrapped my legs tighter around him now.. He pushed me into the tree for extra support and I heard it begin to crack as he stumbled against its now leaning trunk. We both locked eyes as I started to laugh. A real laugh. The first real laugh I had made in a long time. He was grinning from ear to ear as his labored breath stared to slow.

"That was amazing Lee. Amazing." He ran his hands up my back now as the tree behind fell to the ground. "Do you now how hot you are when you laugh?" He said with a cheeky smirk.

"I probably look like a feral hyena." I said unconvinced.

He kissed me moving down from my lips to chest. His fascination with my breasts made me laugh again. That awestruck expression was like an aphrodisiac to me. He was still buried inside me and I felt him getting hard already.

"Jacob! Aren't we insatiable?"

"I've been waiting a looong time for this. Did you think I was done already?"

I grinned as I dropped my legs down and pushed him to the ground. Sitting on top of him I straddled his waist. He flipped me over so he was above me once again. We tossed and turned until finally he had me pinned down.

"I'm in charge, remember?"

"Wow, where was this dominant Jacob hiding? I'm not complaining. If I'd seen him earlier I probably would've jumped him then and there."

He laughed as he bit his lip with a sexy grin.

"I want to try something ok?"

I could only nod at his demanding question. He was in control. Not what I was used to but something I found I was enjoying.

He trailed a finger from my and chin along my stomach finally reaching the other place of his fascination. He entered it inside me and my walls gripped at it hungrily. He raised an eye brow at my pleased expression and entered another. Moving them in and out my hips began to speak for themselves meeting each of his strokes. His thumb moved down to my clit and I almost lost it for a second. He continued to work it as the tips of his fingers moved into a hook. He hit the spot in less then two tries and I screamed out his name in surprise. That familiar stirring began and I knew I was near my own climax when he withdrew his fingers.

My eyes shot open angrily and he laughed again. He placed himself at my entrance this time and sat there for second teasingly. I growled at him and he entered me in one long stroke. My head fell back as my eyes rolled to the back of my head. In and out. In and out. Each stroke made me feel light headed and my hips moved with greed. His hands rubbed along my stomach, kneading roughly at my breasts. I was the one fighting for control this time.

"Soon Jake...."

My words of encouragement sent him into quick short strokes and I had to close my eyes now to stop from letting go. He closed his eyes again and the memory of his previous orgasm made me lose it. I couldn't hold out. With a long groan my walls clenched around him and my body shuddered in reaction. The sensation was deep, reaching all the way from my hips out to my cheeks. He continued and my body continued to shudder in reaction until I finally felt him stiffen as he released into me again. I couldn't open my eyes yet. I was still savoring every sensation.

He rolled to the side of me as he attempted to control his breathing again. I rolled on top of him, smiling and leaning in for a kiss. It felt like I could stay here in this very spot for the rest of my life and be happy.

"So?" he asked. His confidence wavered slightly.

"Mind blowing baby."

I kissed him softly now as the real world crept back into my thoughts. As if he could read my mind he pulled away.

"We should go."

Reluctantly we both stood up on our shaky legs. It would be hard to convince myself that this wasn't another one of my fantasies. For now I enjoyed a rare moment of happiness. Something I seemed to always be guaranteed when I was with Jacob. My mind was becoming clearer as the question of 'who I wanted to be with' became 'how to let the other one go'.


	16. Chapter 16

**EPOV:**

The day was overcast, accented with a slight drizzle. Perfect weather to reflect the sombre mood that filled the small church. A traditional closed casket ceremony was planned. Simple and yet respectful. It was a stark contrast to the actual burial only a few days earlier. That was done through smoke filled air, laced with the sent of blood and venom. The ground had been hot and our bodies were exhausted but we pushed through with every reserve of energy we could manage. It was an honour to see our brothers off on the soil in which they sacrificed themselves. A secret only a few shared, making this ceremony both necessary and agonizing.

The heartache of the families was suffocating in the small setting. Quil's loved ones sat on the left side of the church. Rowena Ateara was in the front row with Old Quil at her side. Her sobs were so loud they occasionally stopped the minister from speaking. Emily sat at the front of Sam's side, along with Sue and Sam's mother. Emily was quiet in her grief, struggling to keep herself composed. To others she looked brave but our connection was strong. I felt the energy she was using to keep it together. It was draining, even for me. Every tear, every stifled sob, every dropped glance, was worse then any physical pain I had experienced.

I was comforting to her, she had said so herself. Unaware of why, especially as only moments before the imprint I had distressed her with my presence. Now she leant on me and I offered myself in support. The darker side to an imprint had become apparent shortly after it happened. It was a side that only Jacob had previously had cause to dislike.

The need. The pure, unadulterated lust.

Every action she made, every accidently contact of our skin, sent an ache over my body. In another circumstance it would be amazing but right now it was disturbing and sick. Thankfully the imprint also perfected the much needed disguise of a comforting smile, masking the inappropriate desire from my eyes. I needed her though, wanted her. Every part of my body longed for her as I mentally slapped myself to pull it together. The imprint was based on a need to procreate, that was certain. It made me sick but the alternative, fighting it, seemed like an incredible waste of such a gift.

Focus was all I had to keep it together. I tuned out to take in the surroundings. Wooden seats, red carpeted floors, stained glass windows. And yet, every thought was tainted with her. I watched her under the ruse of a worrying friend, careful not to stare. Her long black hair shone as it trickled down her face. She brushed it delicately behind one ear, leaving the other half to cover her scars. A self-conscious habit. Her eyes met mine as I offered a sympathetic smile. She returned one and wrapped her hand around mine. Our touch was electric but she didn't seem to notice. Sue did, shooting me a scolding look. Reluctantly I took back my hand to make her happy. I would never over step my place with Emily, I could feel that she knew that. Sue Clearwater, on the other hand, was not as trusting.

The large doors opened announcing the late arrival of Jake and Leah. They entered almost undetected, creeping in as quietly as possible. I didn't need to turn around to know it was them, I could smell their scent. They reeked of sex. I felt my rage levels begin to grow as I quickly composed myself, not wanting to alert Emily. I glared behind me to see them find their place at the back. Jake placed a light, comforting kiss on Leah's neck as she smiled at him and rested her head on his shoulder. His eyes locked with mine as a small smirk crept across his lips. A victory smile. I wanted to leap back there and tear his head off. He shot me a "quiet" look and turned his attention towards the front.

My head snapped back in place and I looked forward. It was only the second time since the imprint that my thoughts had shifted from Emily. The feelings I had for Leah were almost completely gone. The memories of my infatuation were still there but without any sort of residual emotion. All efforts to remember disappeared with the sound of Emily's tears. I placed a hand in comfort on her back, rubbing it lightly. I was angry at myself for the feeling that her cool skin gave me but again, it had to live with it. Sue was watching me with warning in her eyes as she wrapped her arms around her niece. I glared at her and moved my arm back at my side. I would never do anything to hurt Emily, regardless of the desires that I was feeling.

A traditional chant followed as we moved outside to bury the bodies. Leah came over to console her cousin. She wore Jacobs scent like a second skin. It was nauseating. The two girls stood together as the coffins were lowered. Emily turnedher face as the coffin hit the ground. I moved to comfort her when Leah shot me the same glance her mother had ready. The Clearwater women were obviously jaded by imprints. Neither were willing to let me get too close.

Another chant, more tears, numerous hugs and several condolences announced the completion of the service. Emily refused to attend the wake, opting instead to be taken home. I promised I would escort her, Jake and Leah offered to stay the night in 'support'. Leah clearly wanted to keep an eye on me. They would stay on for the wake needing time to pay their respects to Quil's family.

We made our way towards the car as I realised this was the first time Emily would be returning home since her miscarriage. I felt her fear as her face stayed strong. Her breathing began to quicken as did her heart rate. The sound of her rapidly beating heart filled my eardrums as I sat at her side unaware of how I could comfort her in the suddenly awkward setting of my small car. As if she noticed my distress she pulled back a little, taking slower and deeper breaths instead. Sitting in the driver's seat I stalled while considering possible options.

"Do you want to stay at my place tonight? My mom will be there. She'd love to have you."

"I can't hide from my old life Embry, but thanks for the offer." Her answer was short and determined. As if she was convincing herself. She was far too strong to run from such things.

The five minutes of driving time didn't allow for either of us to prepare as I pulled the car up to the front of the small house. Before now it had always been a haven, a place of gathering for friends and loved ones. It was also a house filled with love, noticeable from the second you entered the front room. Leah had hated that, she told me herself. Spoken with a jealous tongue. Now the house was a standing monument to a life that was lost. A history with Sam that was just beginning to be her future. Of all the heartache, Leah's former jealous state seemed like a life time ago. A broken heart now something she shared in common with her cousin.

I could feel her anxiety grow as she sat near me. Neither wanting to leave the warmth of the car. Pressure was the last thing I wanted her to feel.

Five minutes.

Ten minutes.

Thirty minutes in total.

Finally, she had psyched herself up enough to find the courage she needed. Her hand gripped at the car door handle as she opened it quickly. I was out of my seat and next to her in a heartbeat, helping her from the car. She looked into my eyes with a forced smile.

"Stay with me?" She whispered, already holding back the tears.

"Of course." I replied, holding back my own tears. Her pain was overwhelming and we weren't even in the house yet.

Walking slowly to the front door she stoped just in front of it. Her hands dropped to her side as she gestured for me to open it first. She was afraid and I was there to protect her. How it should be, and hopefully would be for years to come. I took a step inside, looking around to show her it was ok. The house felt as if it had lost its soul. The positive energy from before completely gone. Emily and Sam had made it into a home. Now it stood as unfamiliar as a hotel suite.

She walked in, refusing to lift her eyes from the carpet. One tentative step after another, she made it halfway into the living room before taking a deep breath. Her eyes lifted to the now empty spot that Sam's hand made crib had occupied. And then she broke down. Her body slumped to the floor, my arms only barely catching her before she made contact. Her tears were gone, as she made low whimpers into my chest. Picking her up, I carried her body into the bedroom. Gratitude washed over me as I was thankful Leah and Sue had cleared it of any remnants of the last time Emily was in here. She was too tired to fight as I placed her weary body in the bed. She protested at first and then sunk into the warmth as I placed the comforter over her icy cold skin. Her blinking started to slow as she began to drift off, my hand stroking her hair until I was satisfied she was asleep.

The sound of Jakes car stopping outside the house was the only thing that tore me from her side. I walked to let them both in, placing my finger to my lips as a request for quiet. No one spoke until we were all in the kitchen and confident that our voices would not disturb her.

"How is she Embry?" Leah asked with genuine concern. I was tempted to ask where that concern was when her cousin was asking for her before the service began. I knew the answer though, she knew that I knew just from looking at my face. Her hands dropped from Jacobs arm as she attempted to distance herself a little from him. I resisted rolling my eyes.

"She's exhausted, as you would expect. She's sleeping now."

"Look Embry, Mom and I want to thank you for everything you're doing for her. We really do appreciate it you know." Leah's hand stretched out towards mine but I moved mine out of her reach. She took it back quickly with a small look of embarrassment.

"I'm doing this for her, no one else."

"Hey, Leah was trying to thank you, no need to be such an ass about…."

"Jake its fine, lets just, ah, lets make something to eat, ok? Emily is probably starving by now."

Jacob stared me down as I returned to Emily's side. I closed the door on the two of them, still annoyed at their lack of respect for the days events. I was angrier then I thought I would be although I couldn't figure out why. Leah standing anywhere near Jake made me livid which was childish and yet I couldn't help it. I tried to focus on Emily as thoughts of Leah began to push their way through. Again, the only time that my mind allowed me to waver from thoughts of Emily. It was confusing but my mind refused to let me dwel on it. For this I was grateful. The scent of her cooking filled the air and my stomach growled in response. A light tap hit the door brought me too my feet as I opened it eagerly.

I opened it, hearing Emily stirring behind me. Leah stood with two large plates of steaming hot food in her hands. It always amazed me at how she could cook up a meal from almost nothing. The two heaped plates of steak and vegetables broke my hard exterior as I took them both too eagerly.

"Its your fave, Em. Once again, thanks for taking care of her." She stuck her head in the door to talk to her cousin. "Glad to see you up Ems, Jake and I are staying the night. If you need anything, we'll be in the guest room."

Emily sat up as she returned a smile. Even after only a small nap she already looked a million times better. Her mood was incredibly different too. I brought her plate over as I sat on the bed. She took it and began to eat, unprompted and of her own accord. I watched her, curiosity plain on my face. She stopped eating for a second as she returned my gaze.

"What's up?"

"Its just…well you seem so….."

"Happy?" She smiled back at me.

"Ah, yeah."

She continued to eat her food happily avoiding the question. She got halfway through the huge plate before offering me the rest of it.

"Leah served me a wolf sized portion, do you want the rest?"

Ever caring I took the plate from her, having downed mine in less time then it took for her to eat her half plate.

"You boys and your appetites." She said as she looked over me with the same maternal look as she had before. I couldn't help but feel the warmth in my heart that her smile brought me. I didn't want to question her change in mood. For now it could only be a good thing.

"Thanks Embry, for everything. Really. I think I might just go back to sleep. Good night sweetheart."

I walked back to the couch feeling happy that Emily was improving. Tomorrow would be the real test though, after the first night home. It seemed to lift her spirits more then the hospital which was a plus. My mood was so good I was able to block out the sounds of Jake and Leah's playful laughter as I began to drift asleep.

--- --- ---

_The impact was painful, crashing through the water barrier with such force. The freezing cold water was just as bad as one pain was transferred to another. My body started to react, the temperature dropping suddenly. And yet I was happy. Happy that this sort of pain would never bother me again. Happy that it was almost over. My lungs tightened as they craved desperately for oxygen. Not long now._

_Not long until freedom. Not long until true happiness once again._

My body shot upright, jolting me from my sleep. A thick coating of sweat drench my bare chest as well as the sheet that was barely draped over me. My mind worked fast to consol me._It was just a nightmare Em, nothing more._

Shielding my eyes from the sunlight streaming through the curtains I stood up, eager to have a shower and shake off the feeling of my dream. It had seemed so real, I was still shaking from the memory.

I opened Emily's door just a sliver to see if she was awake yet.

An empty bed.

That gut-wrenching feeling of panic took only seconds to consume me. The dream. I couldn't figure out if it was a premonition or a plan. I stopped for a second, trying to make sense of what was going on, but the panic was too strong.

Leah came running from the spare room, wrapped only in a bed sheet.

"Embry, what's wrong? Why are you shouting?"

_I'm shouting?_

I heard myself as I was screaming Emily's name. I forced my hand over my mouth in an attempt to muffle my cries. My brain was too erratic to follow orders. I felt shaking as two firm hands were on my shoulders.

"Focus Embry, Is she okay? You can sense her if you just focus" Jakes voice cut through heavy fog of my mind as I concentrated now.

"Yes, I..I think so. I mean, yes, she's okay right now.."

Their voices turned back into a steady stream of sound. The words made no sense. Emily was out there, somewhere. And she was planning to do something incredibly stupid.


	17. Chapter 17

**LPOV**

We were a half mile through the forest before I was able to process what was going on. Embry's cries of panic had alerted us to Emily's absence. A second later he lifted his nose to the air and bolted out the door. Scared for his mental state and worried about Emily, Jake and I were now running in our wolf forms at his side. Jake was connected to him, acting as a medium to link all three of us. His thoughts were scattered and heavy. I could feel the link he had with Emily and the reason for his hysteria. She was happy. Not just normal happy, it was like she had something she was looking forward to. Something that also had her feeling guilty. A determination that was out of place for one in such a frail state.

Jake tried to calm Embry down so he could focus. He was running on instinct without a clear destination. All attempts were useless. He could barely hear his own thoughts let alone Jakes pleas. I concentrated, attempting to block out the swarm of thoughts streaming through from Embry. Sniffing the air, I was trying to locate a familiar scent. There was nothing for the longest time. Then suddenly there she was. A fresh scent. Near the Cliffs.

_Near the Cliffs?_ I thought.

My own panic level increased. Jake passed this on to Embry who turned sharply in his tracks. His mind was running over possible scenes now. Emily jumping. Emily's body crashing against the rocks. Emily's body floating towards the shore. Each was particularly painful for Jake to watch. I picked up speed, encouraging Embry to do the same. I needed to make this happen now. For both Jake and Embry.

We could all smell her now. Her scent was undiluted and strong. She was clearly still alive and not yet in the water. As we passed through the clearing her figure became more apparent. She was almost at the cliff ledge. We were greeted by her back facing us as her head was tilted towards the sky. She stood in her pyjamas, completely exposed to the icy wind that lashed at the flimsy material that covered her.

The sight was too much for Jacob. He suddenly pulled back and I encouraged him to take the base of the Cliff as back up. He said nothing but I could tell he was thankful. A re-enactment of Bella Swans death was more then enough to break the hard exterior he had spent two years working on. I was angry at Emily now. Angry that she would put both Embry and Jake through such pain. Suicide was the most selfish and cowardly act someone could commit. Pain was a part of life. You could face it head on or you could work through it. The easy way out wasn't Emily. She was the poster child for strength through adversity. It felt wrong and I knew there was more to this.

The three of us phased at the same time. Although it was still very early we were in a public area now. Each of us had changed too quickly to save our clothing. Three naked locals would be easier to explain then three large wolves. Running ahead of Embry I stopped him mid-stride, storming furiously towards Emily. It was obvious he was about to grab her and force her to come back home. If he startled her she could fall. Worse yet, his naked body could freak her out enough that she would jump. My eyes shot him a "leave this to me" look. Approaching her slowly I was careful to leave some space between us.

"Em" I said in a soft whisper.

She didn't turn around.

"Emily" I said, a little louder and with a more urgent edge to it.

Her body turned to face me. There was a strangely peaceful smile on her face that disappeared as she completed her pivot. She looked at both Embry and I and a mixture of guilt and anger washed over her.

"What are you doing here Leah? Can't you just leave things as they are?"

"Are you serious? Leave you to kill yourself. You have to be joking."

She groaned as she rolled her eyes.

"Don't you see Lee, this is what he wants. He wants me to join him. He and the baby, they are making a home for me up there."

I heard Embry's gasp from behind me and wondered if my own had been as loud. She had truly deluded herself into thinking that this was going to happen. _This_ would connect her to Sam.

"Emily....Em. You don't know that..." She cut me off

"No, Leah, I do! He came to me in a dream. He showed me that he's with the baby and they're both doing great. He's working on the dream house we talked about. It's going to have seven bathrooms for the seven children we planned on. I always dreamt of my own bathroom as a kid so we wanted to make sure our children could have the things we didn't. He's also going to..."

She continued rambling and I glanced over at Embry. His eyes were full of pain. The conviction in each of her words was disturbing. This was not an overnight revelation. She had been planning this for a while now and neither of us had picked up on it. She stopped talking finally, her face covered in a beaming smile. A look of excitement, like a child on Christmas Eve. I stepped forward, ready to snap her out of it.

"Emily, Sam is dead. The baby is dead. You are alive. You have people here who love you and are concerned about you. Have you thought about what this would do to me? What this would to do Sue? You're family or Sam's already grieving family? What about Jake? This is killing him being here. He's been working through this for so long and now you're ready to take it away from him. Seeing this, all over again...I don't know how long it would take him to recover."

The craziness left her eyes finally as my words began to set in. The fake smile dropped and she collapsed onto the ground below her.

"I'm sorry" She whispered.

I took another soft step closer, unsure if I was able to comfort her yet. Embry rushed past me. Too fast. I had to grab him once again to hold him back.

"Its never going to get better is it Lee?" She asked just as quietly as her apology.

"It will, trust me."

"But I've lost the one love of my life. No one will want me now. Look at my face. Who would love this?" She started to work herself up now. Getting to her feet again I saw a self-pity in her eyes that I had never seen before. "I see the way children react to me in the street. I know I'm a monster. It was easier before, I wasn't alone. Now...well I just don't have the strength to deal with that on my own Lee and I can't keep relying on you guys to be there for me."

"Don't act like you're a burden Emily, that's beneath you. You are family, I really don't mind..."

"You don't, but I do. Sam loved me, he was there for me because he wanted to be. I didn't have to force him. I will never, NEVER have that again. I know how you feel about imprints Leah but it was the one thing that held me here. Now what do I have to live for?"

"You have me" Embry said.

I tried to shut him up with my eyes. This didn't feel like the right time to tell her about his imprint. She looked at him confused and he took another step closer.

"Haven't you noticed it? The connection between us? There is a reason that you let me into your hospital room when you denied the other guys." He was looking into her eyes now, approaching slowly as he spoke. She stared back at him completely blank.

"I know you can feel it Em and I'm not trying to rush anything. I just, I want you to know that I'm here for you in any way you need. And maybe in the future, if you're ready...."

Recognition filled her face followed quickly by repulsion.

"Oh, god Embry, YOU IMPRINTED ON ME?" the fury in her words stopped Embry in his tracks. My head swung towards her, startled.

"That's...ugh....that's just sick." She gripped at her stomach as if she was going throw up. Embry's face fell at the sight of her pain. He was close enough to reach out to her now but he stood back as shame filled his face. He spoke in a light, pleading whisper.

"I didn't mean to do it. It's not like it was in my control. I didn't think you'd react like this....I'm sorry"

"How did you think I would react? The soil is barely settled on my husband's grave and you're already planning on moving in on his territory." she was furious, yelling over the crashing waves below.

"No, I swear its not like that."

Embry tried to grab her wrist in an attempt to console her but she recoiled with so much force she began to lose her balance. Both of our eyes flew open as she stumbled to recover herself. It was to no avail. She misjudged her step, her upper body leading her backwards. It was as if it happened in slow motion. Then suddenly, she was out of sight.

"EMILY" Embry screamed, throwing himself off of the cliff after her.

"Jake" I yelled out, looking franticly for him. This was why he was covering the base. I couldn't see him anywhere. I ran to the cliff base in seconds looking for a sign of anyone.

Nothing.

I had jumped off this cliff hundreds of times with Emily. It was safe enough. But at the angle she fell it was possible that she knocked herself out. That on top of the fact she didn't want to survive left me worried.

Then a head bobbed out of the water. Embry. He looked around locking eyes with me after scanning the immediate area. I shook my head to show I hadn't seen Emily and he quickly went back down.

Panic began to set in once again. I still wasn't sure where Jake was. If he had dived in or it had been too much for him. No one would blame him if it was. No one but himself. I sat and counted as Embry's head emerged from the water once, twice and a third time. My heart was in my chest and my stomach turned with worry. Then I heard foot steps, from behind me. Just one set. I turned quickly, afraid to hope. The sight filled me with overwhelming relief. Jake was walking, carrying a shivering Emily in his arms. Her arms were wrapped around his neck as she clung tightly to his warm body. I ran towards them screaming out to Embry as I did.

"She's okay Em, you can come back, she's okay!"

I grabbed onto my cousin who was stiff in Jakes arms. When she didn't return the hug I backed away. Behind me I could hear Embry as he ran out of the waves. I was sure he too was equally relieved, if not more so.

"Are you ok cuz? Do we need to call a doctor?"

She refused to look at me and I struggled to figure out why she was so annoyed at me.

"Can you take me home Jake?" She asked as if they were alone together. He looked at me before looking down at her.

"Ah, sure. No problem."

I stood with Embry as we watched them walk out of sight. He was silent for awhile. I encouraged him to the forest, out of public view. He walked with me like a zombie. Not even registering when we made it into a sheltered area. He sat on the ground, blinking occasionally. I sat beside him.

This comforting stuff was getting easier for me. I stroked up and down his arm in a show of support. He didn't acknowledge me at all. We sat like this for over an hour, closer to two. He seemed to be slipping into a catatonic state. It was hard to imagine what was going through his mind as his he looked like nothing more then an empty shell. Occasionally his eyes would well up, then before a tear was shed they were hard again.

I opened my mouth in an attempt to connect with him.

"I know this hurts Em but she's just angry. Give her sometime for the idea to set in."

Nothing.

"I'll do my best to explain it to her. I get it, I do."

Still nothing. I gave up this time. Choosing instead to settle back into the spot I was sitting in but as I did Embry began to stand up.

"Leah" he said my name with a dead voice. Defeated and tired.

"Yeah Em?"

"Tell my mom I'm sorry. I'll try to update her when I can. I'm pretty sure I'm already fired so I shouldn't need to check in with work..."

"Wait, what? You're going somewhere?"

"There is nothing here for me but pain Leah. I need to go, to get away from this town. I need time to.....I just need time."

My breath caught as his words caused my chest to tighten. I felt like their weight would crush my heart. Suddenly finding it hard to breath I looked back at Embry with a plea in my eyes.

"But, if you stay we can work this out. There is no need to run off Em. You have no idea what's out there...or what's happening here. Plus, I need you to help me look after Emily. Jake and I can't do it on our own."

My words came out so fast a few of them were slurred together. I heard my voice crack but my brain was too full of worry to process why his words hurt me so much.

"You guys will be fine without me. Its not like I'm wanted here anyway. I have to do this Leah, I'm not changing my mind." His voice was in a monotone but I could hear the hurt that laced it.

"You are wanted here." I said, almost pleading.

He turned back to me for just a second. It looked like he was about to force a smile but it never quite manifested. Instead he burst through his human form and into the large grey wolf that was befitting of someone too full of human emotion to be contained in such a weak shell. He turned his muzzle towards me one last time as he darted through the trees and out of sight.

I was on the ground somehow, my legs having given out. Physically I felt heavier, weighed down by the pain. I didn't want to think of why it hurt so much because I didn't want to hear the answer. It was the same answer to the same question that had plagued me for the last year. The one I had tried to lie to myself about. Now, now that I knew what it was it was too late.

Embry was gone.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N:** Time to wrap this puppy up! I need to get this story done soon because its well overdue. The next chap might be the last one with the 20th being an idea I was working on for a sequel. That being said its 4am and I've been out all night so right now is probably not the best time to commit to anything...lol. This chapter is strange. We're weaving in and out of different time lines here. It makes sense in my sleep deprived brain. Hope it makes sense to you guys.

--- --- ---

**LPOV**

Seven months. Four days. Roughly Eighteen hours.

It seemed longer. More like years then months. It was because he wasn't here. It was because I had no idea if he was dead or alive. It was because eternity would be a punishment to anyone who was alone. A punishment that was not undeserved. Figuring out that I needed him, that I wanted him so late...another mistake made glaringly obvious with the gift of hindsight.

The time helped. It helped to lessen the intensity of desperation. It decreased the urge I had to burst through my skin and go looking for him, to hunt him down. Time helped to morph it into other emotions. Self-pity, regret, remorse. I was well acquainted with the feelings associated with unrequited love. That didn't make it any easier.

But time moves on. Something's change, something's don't. It waits for no one, least of all those who are suspended in it.

Seven months. Four days. Roughly Nineteen hours.

--- --- ---

Emily was baking again. Blueberry muffins from the familiar smell. She loved the reaction she got from the boys. The way their faces lit up in gratitude at the food she supplied. Truth was these were the same boys that would eat cardboard if they were hungry enough. Never the less they were always quick to praise her cooking and each morning she would be up before dawn to start her prep.

I couldn't say I blamed her. Although Seth and Jake were the only ones who actually lived here the rest of the pack managed to star their day in our kitchen. Putting her naturally maternal instincts to good use, she always had plenty of food ready as well as a smile and a kind word. They loved her for it and she loved them for humouring her. It was a fair trade. It had taken a long time to get here but she was almost the Emily of before. As close as anyone could hope.

I walked into the kitchen to be greeted by another equally familiar sight. Jake, Seth and Paul were sitting at the dining table. None of them noticed my entrance though. All three sets of eyes were on the oven timer. Not a second late it went off and the guys exchanged an anticipatory smile.

"You three are pathetic, you know that?" I half laughed my greeting.

"Morning Lee's" both Jake and Paul replied, brushing off my comments as they usually did.

"Oh whatever Lee. Your timing is pretty convenient, don't you think?" Seth replied half joking, half defensive.

I smiled at the kid and sat at the table, pouring a bowl of cereal as if I wasn't salivating at the thought of Emily's freshly baked goods. Jake had clearly not been up for long judging by his dishevelled appearance. Seth was much the same. They had both made the living room their bedroom each taking one of the two large couches available. Seth started hanging out here a few months back, crashing on the couch at night. It got to the point where he was leaving so early in the morning that Emily joked he should just stay here. And so he did. Jake took to the couch not long after, but for other reasons...

The door opened then, jarring me from my train of thought. Colin and Jared entered, heading straight for the table. They had both just finished patrol and were starving. Greeting the other boys with a slap on the back, they stoped as Jared nodded a hello in my direction. Things were still a little awkward between us since the last Clearwater house party and Jared only made it worse by drudging up the memory whenever we ran together. He didn't mean too nor did he want to, but whenever I was in his head there it was. It had meant a little more to him then it did to me and I cringed at the thought of ever running with him again. Jake made sure we limited our patrol together as much as possible. For that I was grateful.

Emily entered with two large dishes of food. Jake jumped up to help her and she took her usual place next to him at the dining table. The guys always waited until she was plated up out of respect and each time she would insist on them eating first. They would joke that there would be nothing left if she did and she pretended to begrudgingly comply. If I didn't know and love her so much it would probably make me ill watching such a show at every meal. This was one of the now many reasons she got up in the mornings though. They gave her a purpose and I loved them for it, as annoying as it was watch.

Excusing myself from the table early I began work on the clean up in the kitchen. Emily came in and insisted that I leave it, much like every other meal time. I too played this game telling her it was nothing and I was glad to help. She rubbed my back in thanks and returned to the table to share in the conversation. It wasn't that I didn't enjoy being with the guys. I loved them all like brothers, even Paul and Jared. It was getting harder and harder to put my mask on each day. To pretend that wasn't thinking about him. I wasn't thinking about a life that could have been. To pretend I wasn't trying desperately to forget him and move on. He had pleaded with me once and my mind often wandered back to that conversation .

_"I've thought about it and we can make it work. Marry me Leah. I promise that if Jacob can fight an imprint so can I. We'll leave him in charge of the pack and move away. La Push can do without us for a while. You'll study like you wanted and I'll work to support us. We can try for a family, adopting if it doesn't work out. If not there is travelling, seeing the world. The best part of all of this is that time is on our side. Please Leah."_

But he couldn't fight the imprint, he didn't want to. I had him before the battle, before the imprint. If we had only left when he suggested.

I felt the cracks showing in my facade. I had to hide away, pull myself together. Watching them still deep in conversation I slipped away to my room closing the door lightly behind me. I contemplated turning the TV on to allow my brain to go numb. Reading a book, listening to some music, even going back to sleep. But I knew that this did nothing but postpone the inevitable so I sat in place allowing the familiar thoughts to run through my mind. A light tap on the door saved me at just the right time. It opened slightly and Jacob let himself in. He closed it carefully behind him and spoke in a low voice.

"Looks like you're getting ready to leave Lee."

"How did you…."

It never failed to amaze me how observant he was. He could pick up my mood before I had figured it out myself. I had said nothing of my plans to leave or allowed myself to think it when I was in my wolf form. But it was Jake of course. There was no use in hiding anything from him. He moved to sit next to me on the bed, our legs touching. Looking into my eyes I could already tell the conversation was going to be heavy.

"You've been de-cluttering lately as well as avoiding us. You know you can't lie Lee's, when you want to keep something private you just shut yourself off for a bit."

He was sweeter then he realised. Too sweet for me. Too good for me. We hadn't broken up officially, neither wanting to confirm it in an attempt to avoid the "breakup talk" that would follow. We just let it fade. It was easy to do with everything we had to deal with.

When Embry first left Emily refused to talk to anyone but Jake for almost a month. She thought we had all betrayed her by allowing Embry to be so close when he had imprinted. At the time she saw it as something more sinister and refused to allow us to correct her. Mom and I were on the top of her traitor list. Seth was guilty by association. Each day Jake would sit with her, talking when she needed it, but mostly just being there for her. He would come to bed exhausted, the task mentally draining. We all wanted to be there for her, to take some of the burden off of Jake, but she refused. She needed the space. She needed time. She needed him.

It only took a month before she tried to connect with us again. We knew it wouldn't be long. She was far too affectionate by nature and shutting people out wasn't as easy for her as it was for me. Jake was to thank for a large part of that. He had helped pull her out of her depression. No longer needing to be babysat on suicide watch he could relax and just be with her. He and Seth had become a tag team of comedians, each feeding off of the laughter they would bring her. When her face lit up it was hard to notice the scars that were a constant reminder of our lost brother. I took the girly stuff. The more emotional breakdowns. Nursing my own broken heart I found it easier to focus on supporting Emily. At least Embry was alive. The fact that he was in love with the very woman I was consoling was just fates way of confirming how fucked up my life was.

Months passed and we become closer. A small family of our own. Jake, Seth and I had all started work so we could pay for essentials. Emily spent a lot of time volunteering for the Quileute community group. She was always big on culture and taught a lot of the younger girls how to dance. It kept her happy and she could spend time with children which she loved. Jake and the other boys would watch in a show of support. Jake insisted upon it. His connection with Emily was a lot closer then ours had ever been. I knew he didn't regret our relationship but I could see how he was with Em and whether they knew it or not there was something there. Something I was jealous of.

Jake and I were well and truly done. We'd had a few good times since then but he gave too much of himself to Emily for there to be a real relationship between us. He wasn't the kind of guy that sex alone would satiate, not that it hadn't helped us both through a few rough patches. But he felt guilty at the pleasure he would get as Emily suffered. Pretty soon it was too much. He felt uncomfortable with us being in together with her only a bedroom away. I didn't mind the whole outdoorsy thing but a girl can only handle washing dirt and twigs out of her hair so much. That's when he started making excuses to sleep in the lounge. Eventually, he stopped making the excuses. Even before hand I could feel him slipping away from me but I also knew I didn't want to fight it. As soon as I lost Embry for good my heart was gone. As much as I tried to return to that state of denial I had lived in for so long it was now a fact. Jake realised this just as much as I did.

We both knew it was time. We had each rehearsed this conversation enough times in our heads that we didn't need to speak it. It felt like it had been spoken a million times before. Jake moved to talk but I put my hand on his cheek stroking it slightly. Moving towards his lips I pressed a soft kiss into them and he returned it lightly. We held on to one another for a moment and I smiled at the confirmation that the spark was gone.

He moved back, his face evidence that he shared the same relief as I did. Nothing more needed to be said. We still loved one another but it was no longer the love of before. It was easier now. The pressure was no longer there.

"So we're okay?" he said.

"We'll always be okay Jake." I replied.

"I know Lee's. How could you resist this smile?" he flashed those pearly white's at me and I slapped him across the back. It was funny how only a year ago that very look would have made me melt. I still loved it but in a different way now. I was glad for that. If I thought I would lose Jake in this breakup there would be a possibility that I'd have stayed for the wrong reasons. His heart was with someone else now too. I knew that was why he was willing to let me go so easily. What I didn't know was if _he_ knew that yet. A little encouragement was all he needed.

"Well now that's official" I smiled at him "you can finally make a move on Emily, guilt free."

He looked genuinely shocked. I couldn't be sure if he was shocked that I had figured him out or that he hadn't figured it out himself.

"Ahh, Emily? Nah, we're just…"

"You trying to convince me or yourself Black? You know you've fallen for her. Pretty hard too. I know you hate to cook and yet every night you're there helping her and watching observantly. Seems strange you never cook on your own though." I said sarcastically."You're always looking for a reason to touch her, taking things from her hands. Laughing, joking...do I need to go on?"

"Okay, okay. So I'm not the only observant one. Wow, I can see why that annoys people so much"

He took in a deep breath as I sat quietly looking at the floor. Those two would need to figure themselves out. I had too many other things on my mind to play matchmaker. We sat in silence for a while and I felt the mood become serious again.

"So when are you leaving?"

"I was going to wait until I worked up the nerve to have this conversation but now that's it's done...tonight."

He looked shocked. I hid my own shock at the words as they left my mouth. I had wanted to wait a few days but there seemed to be no point now.

"So soon?" he asked.

"Why not?" my smooth reply hid the panic from my voice.

"Are you going after _him_?"

I dropped my eyes at the un-expectant question. Jake hadn't spoken of Embry in months and I wasn't sure how he felt about him after he abandoned his imprint when she needed him the most. I knew he was still livid that Embry had almost forced himself on me. He was still my alpha after all. My alpha and my best friend.

"No Jake. I know there is no point. He's in love with Emily. I just need to go somewhere else for a while you know? I think he had the right idea. I need to be in a world without werewolves and vampires. Maybe get a boring office job and live in an overpriced apartment somewhere. Take night classes for a while. I have plenty of time."

He stayed quiet for a while, no doubt thinking my words over. I wanted to keep the conversation as short as possible. It wasn't up for discussion. My mind was made up. Jake knew that. He wasn't stupid enough to try and convince me otherwise.

"I'm going to miss you Lee's, I'm not going to pretend I won't. You know I love you and if there is anything I can do to keep you here then tell me and it will be done. I'm sure Emily, Seth and even Sue wouldn't mind me speaking on their behalf. Because I know you so well I also know that you can't be talked out of this. Just promise me one thing ok?"

I looked up at him now, sighing at the mention of a promise he attempted to tack on like an after thought. I was positive I wouldn't like whatever it was.

"Just stay for one more night, please? We need to give you a real farewell in the style of an old Clearwater house party."

He was grinning again as he nudged my arm. I rolled my eyes and looked back at him. It would be so much easier to slip out of the house unnoticed but a real farewell was also a good idea. I didn't know how long I would be gone for and, as much as I didn't want to admit it, I would miss everyone incredibly. I begrudgingly accepted.

"Fantastic." He replied, jumping to his feet. "I gotta go get this sorted. Let me talk to the guys and break the news. It'll be easier if I tell Em's. She's going to be pretty torn up."

"You mean it'll be easier if you're there to consol her?" I said, my tone implying exactly what I wanted it to imply.

"Oh come on Lee's, don't make me have to kill you before you get a chance to leave." He laughed and ran his large hand through my hair. I shook it off as he made his way over to the door.

"I'm going straight out after I tell the guys. I'll be home later for dinner. Trust me Lee's, you won't regret this ok?"

I sighed as he had closed the door behind him too quickly to allow for a protest. Laying back on my bed the prospect of leaving La Push finally hit me. A new life was waiting for me. A life away from obligation, from the pressure of being a protector. A life where I could be a twenty year old girl starting out in the world. A life where I could get over him and find someone else to move on with.

Only one more day to go.

--- --- ---


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N:**Aww it's the last chapter...I've been updating this thing for almost 3 months now...it's a sad moment.

Thanks so much to everyone that read/reviewed. You're all amazing! Srsly, to the reg's you guys make my day. I hope that I can improve my writing and produce some Blackwater love in the future for you. The NM teaser trailer has got me beyond excited and I'm glad Taytay looks so damn hot. He's too hot for Bella now, he should be with Leah (says the girl who paired him up with Emily in this bizarro story).

To my girls from the IMDB New Moon board who reviewed like crazy last week thanks so much! Thats UWBJ, Fringebangs, Ginnehh, Minxaay,and Bec. *mwah* love u guys!

Ok, on with the end of the madness ;D

--- --- ---

I stood outside my childhood home finally looking at it with open eyes. Leaving had changed my perspective and I was seeing all the things I had previously taken for granted. I'd learnt how to ride a bike in this driveway. I'd practiced my first reverse park in this very street. I'd kissed Sam for the first time on this very porch. The memories that filled every square inch of this place were too heavy to carry with me. I was glad in a way, glad that so much of my life was here. It tied to me La Push. This was the only place in the world that offered me these feelings and I knew I could always return when I needed them.

Today was about moving forward though. It was about making new memoires. A new start somewhere that no one knew me. No expectations, No responsibilities. The slate would be wiped clean. The feeling was both exhilarating and nauseating. But I was ready.

With my hand on the doorknob I opened the door, finally prepared to say goodbye to my old life.

--- --- ---

The party was amazing, especially on such short notice. Emily had refused to let me in on any part of the organisation choosing instead to exile me to spend time with Sue and Charlie. I was happy to get out of there. She seemed to want to burst into tears every time she attempted eye contact. There were nearly sixty people gathered in the small home. The guest list was filtered down to those who meant the most to me, hand picked between Mom, Emily and Seth no doubt. Childhood friends, extended family. They were all here and all ready to say their goodbyes.

The pack were all in attendance and each had made a special effort to be particularly attentive to me throughout the evening. They'd each seemed genuinely upset at how much they would miss me. Every one of them made a point of pulling me aside and letting me know they were here for me. It was Paul's heartfelt goodbye followed by a bear hug that finally made me realise just how much I would miss all of them. They were my brothers, bound by this curse or not. We had fought along side one another and each was just as responsible for me standing here today as the other. I was glad to be so headstrong or their sad eyes and forced smiles would be enough to make me stay.

Seth and Emily were the worst. Mom had taken it hard but she seemed somewhat prepared for my decision. I was glad she had Charlie to help her through it. Seth had no one. As soon as he heard the news he spent the day following me around like a puppy dog. Although we occasionally fought like normal siblings we both knew that we would give our lives for one another. I would miss him the most but he could also benefit from not having the watchful eye of his overprotective sister on him constantly. As for Emily, well she just needed to figure out her feelings for Jake. He would be there for her regardless but he would be a greater comfort if she would just let him in. Their constant flirting was going to make Seth loose his damn mind if he had to put up with it on his own.

As amazing as the party was the loud music and flowing alcohol did nothing to hide the sadness that filled me. I was dangerously close to changing my mind. I had said my goodbyes over the course of the evening and I was pretty sure I was done. I wanted to sit back for a minute and just take in the sight of all of my loved ones under the one roof for the last time in a long time. Well, almost all of my loved ones. I half hoped Embry would make a guest appearance and sweep me off my feet but I knew that would never happen. I shook him out of my thoughts, something I was used to doing now, and returned my mind to the party.

Seth had found someone to consol him as he sat on the couch working his game. Gabriela Minx was an old classmate of his. Gorgeous and highly unobtainable she had barely said two words to him during high school. A visibly upset Seth seemed to be the key to gaining her attention and he was milking those large, broken hearted eyes for all they were worth. She placed her hand on his knee as a comforting gesture and his face suddenly grew even sadder then before. I smirked at the kid and shook my head. Somehow I knew he'd be fine without me.

Looking around the room one last time I saw Jake leaning up against Emily, his face just inches from hers as he played with a stray strand of hair. She was blushing as he leaned into her further and they now had their foreheads pressed against one another. He was finally going in for the kiss. As much as I wanted this to happen I realised I didn't particularly want to watch my ex making out with my cousin. I glanced around the room one last time. This was how I wanted to remember my friends. Happy, laughing, enjoying one another's company. This would be how I remembered them as I slipped away to my old bedroom.

I had decided to leave undetected when I realised my goodbyes were all said. It wouldn't take much more of this to get me to stay and tear streaked faces were not the last memories I wanted of my loved ones. Gathering the small bag I had left here earlier I chose my window as the best exit choice. Opening it, I was preparing to place one leg on the edge as a large warm hand reached out to me.

"Need help with your ninja like exit?" the voice said mockingly. I looked up to see Jake's pearly whites shinning through the darkness outside. I sighed and grabbed his hand as he helped me through the window.

"I'm starting to suspect you're a mind reader you know." I was annoyed that he ruined my plan.

"What can I say, you're an open book Leah. It really isn't hard to read you when you let someone in"

"Awww don't go getting all sentimental on me now Jakey, that's the whole reason for my stealthy exit."

He helped me through the window as his face took on an excited grin.

"I have a surprise that you may not be too pleased about. Well actually, I'm pretty sure you will be pleased but you'll try to hide it and pretend you're not."

I raised an eyebrow at him as my tone became sour.

"If it's about u and Emily finally hooking up then, yeah I know. Congrats."

He blushed. It was obviously _not_ about that.

"Ah, no...but I'm glad you're cool with it. Its, ah, it's something else."

"I hate surprises Jake, you know that."

"You'll like this one, trust me. Don't be so pessimistic Clearwater. How about one last race before you go?"

I exhaled an over-exaggerated a sigh to hide the curiosity about my surprise.

"Ahhh Jake, not right now..."

"Hmmm, sounds like you're afraid you'll lose. I'll take that as a head start" and with that he was a blur streaking through the forest. Resisting the urge to yell a stream of profanities and draw unwanted attention I sprinted after him. Head start or not he was dreaming if he thought he was going to beat me.

We tore through the trees crushing branches under our heavy feet. Climbing over rocks, running through shallow streams. Our human bodies handled the rough terrain as well as our wolf forms did. Large strides and quick steps caught me up to Jake finally. We had covered a lot of ground in ten minutes and I was so focused on our little race that I had no idea where we now were. Jake suddenly stopped and I was running so fast I flew past him a few yards. Turning myself around smoothly I ran back.

"I won." He gloated.

"I had no idea where the finish line was buddy so don't get too cocky there. You had an unfair advantage."

He laughed at me, catching his breath in seconds. As I did the same I noticed we were standing outside of a small cottage. It was sturdy and strong. Although it looked reasonably new the actual structure was a less than modern design. It was small and humble, much like something from a less materialistic era. The windows were filled with a golden hue, candle light no doubt. The light was too warm to be artificial. I realised that there was no way this place was set up for electricity as it was so far removed from the rest of the world. The light indicated that there was someone inside though. I started to get suspicious.

"Ahh...what are we doing here Black?"

"This is where I leave you Lee. I think you know who is in there."

My breath caught suddenly.

"He's not coming out. You can choose to leave now and he won't come after you or you can walk through that front door and say a real goodbye to him. He knows you're coming and I can tell you he's hoping you pick the latter option."

I stood with my mouth hanging open like an idiot. This was the surprise I refused to get my hopes up over.

"But...why would you bring me here? I thought you guys hated one another..." I blurted out while trying to jumpstart my brain again.

"Who do you think helped him build this place? If you want anymore answers you'll have to ask him. You know I love you, I'll always love you. I want you to be happy with whomever you choose to be with. I'm only a phone call away. Night or day, anytime. You'll always have your beta position waiting here for you upon your return."

With that he kissed the top of my head and turned to run into the pitch black forest. I stood frozen in place as I stared at the door of the cottage. Before realising it my legs had carried me to that very spot and my hand was balled into a fist ready to knock on the door. Stopping for a second I tried to figure out if this was what I really wanted or if I should cut my losses and run back now. While my brain was taking its time to think that over my heart betrayed me and I heard myself knocking on the door.

The handle turned and I stopped breathing.

There he stood, as beautiful as I remembered. His face was plastered in that glorious smile that had made an appearance in too many of my recent dreams. His eyes were glistening as he stared deeply into mine. They were whole again, as full of want and desire as they used to be pre-imprint. Everything about him was the Embry of before, the Embry I had taken for granted. The same boy who had promised to fight an imprint for me now stood as a man who way beyond happy to see me. He was frozen in place waiting for me to make the first move.

So I did. I punched him in the face.

His head jerked back but he recovered quickly, as if he was expecting it. I walked into the house yelling at him and pushing my finger into his chest to emphasize each word.

"You ass, you ENOURMOUS ASS! You know how many nights I've spent thinking about where you were, who you were with? If you were dead or close to it? I had thoughts of you picking fights on purpose just to get rid of some pent up frustration. You being arrested, you taking your own life, turning to drugs, turning to hookers for some cheap thrills...you have_no_ _idea_ what has been going through my mind Embry Call and now it turns out you've been this close to La Push the whole time and you...."

He wiped the blood from his lip and pushed me back against the wall. His swollen lips collided with mine and his kiss was full of fire. As his tongue entered my mouth I felt the passion behind it. Raw and undiluted. His hand moved around the back of my neck and through my hair. His other hand was rubbing against my thigh and up towards my waist. It was as if didn't believe I was real. His hand was grazing over my skin for confirmation and each new touch made him want to explore more. I began to get dizzy as my head tried to piece together what was going on. He felt it and pulled back, mistaking my bewilderment as resistance.

"I'm so sorry Lee, if I crossed a line I didn't mean to. Its just that I've been thinking of doing that every minute for the last two months and with you here now, I couldn't help it."

My brain was unable to form words yet as I stood staring at him. I was flushed, hotter then usual. I was almost prepared to let him get away with not explaining himself but my silence had led him to think he needed to.

"I know I have a lot of explaining to do. Basically I took off completely heartbroken. I ran as a wolf for six weeks straight, further then I had ever been in my life. I tried to come to terms with Emily's rejection as well as the feelings I had for you. Finally I decided I was prepared to fight the imprint so I came to the one person I knew had beaten it. Jake. At first he didn't want to hear from me, especially as you two were still technically an item at the time. I could tell even then that he was happy about my choice to give up on Emily and he agreed to help. He got all of the guys to involved; they were the ones who built this place with me..."

"Whoa, hold on..." I interrupted. "You mean to tell me they all knew about this? Even Seth?" my tone was angrier then I meant for it to be.

"Don't blame them Lee's, I asked them not to tell you. I didn't want to confuse you until I was sure I was able to offer myself to you completely. Jake has spent this whole time helping me through the worst of it. He's been really great, honestly. I didn't know if I was ready until he stopped by today and told me about your decision to leave. When he did I knew it. I knew that I couldn't live without you Lee. I wasn't sure how you felt about me and Jake didn't feel comfortable bringing it up so we left it up to you. And you chose the right option by the way." His face broke into a larger smile then before, he was clearly having trouble suppressing his good mood.

"So, are you telling me that you're not in love with Emily anymore? That you're over it. Forgive me if I sound bitter Em but I've been down this road before and it's hard for me to believe that you really know how strong this thing is."

"Trust me Lee, I know. I'm not sure if I'm ready to face her yet, Jake hasn't seen his imprintee since, well, you know, but he thinks it takes around a year before you're able to be near them again. I think he might be right. I know those feelings I had before were superficial and I don't want to go back there again but I'm confident that I'm ready to move on. I know this. For the last two months my every thought has been about you. About us. Everyday I fought the urge to come back to La Push. Had it not been for Jake and the other guys I don't know if I would have had the strength. Seeing Emily again could ruin everything, I'm glad they were there to stop me."

I moved towards the chair that sat in his living room. I needed to sit down. He followed closely behind, getting to his knees in front of me. He sat his hands on my thighs and rubbed them in an attempt to comfort me. I was overwhelmed, trying to take it all in.

"So you're telling me you're not in love with Emily but you can't be near her yet because you're not sure what will happen if you are."

"Yes."

"And that you, Jake, and the other guys have been secretly bonding over the last seven months while you've attempted to fight this thing."

"Yes."

"And that you're sure you're in love with me."

"Without a doubt. Yes."

"You're going to have to give me a minute her Em. This is a fair bit to take in. An hour ago I was ready to leave you behind and now you're confessing you've spent the last few months preparing yourself for _me_?I just, I'm going to need some time."

"I know you do Lee....but before you think for too long I want to propose something to you. I know you're leaving and, well, I want to come with you."

My breath started to catch again.

"That's not 'giving me a minute' you know..."

"Sorry." He winced a little "but I don't want you to make any major decisions without hearing me out. I've been working for this whole time, landscape stuff mostly. Combined with my previous savings I have a enough for us to start a new life somewhere. We can travel or we can move to the city and look into study options. I should have enough to get us both through college if we take up part time jobs. Then again, seeing the world with you is something that I've wanted for a long time too. If we were to study, get that out of the way, we could look at taking things from there..."

"Slow down Em, I've just left. I was kinda hoping to just follow this path and see where it takes me. Leave it up to fate, you know?"

"Well it brought you here." He added quietly.

I sat for a few minutes as his words finally settled into the chaos that was currently my head. He was offering me a new life. A life with him.

"Are you upset?" he asked, his tone somber.

"Upset about what?"

"That fate brought you here. You don't have to say yes Lee, I know this is a lot to take in. I wouldn't blame you if you walked out of here and forgot about me completely."

His eyes were full of hurt, much like they used to be. Only this time I cared. I truly cared. I didn't want him to be so upset. I didn't want to be responsible for that look ever again. I wasn't ready to tell him just how much I loved him yet. I never wanted to loose him again. I was done with those games and ready for my new life. Now that I knew it involved him it finally felt like everything made sense.

I stood up as he jumped to his own feet instantly. Those sad eyes of before flashed with a glimmer of hope before fading back. He lowered his head in an attempt to keep them from me and I brushed my hand over his cheek.

"I hope you know what you're getting yourself into her Call. I'm not going to make it easy for you."

His face lit up in an instant. It was his turn to be left speechless now. I grabbed his arm and swung down onto the chair below me. Moving to sit in his lap, I was now straddling his waist. Grabbing a fist full of his shirt I pulled his face towards mine and with a deep breath, took in the familiar musky scent of his skin.

"We'll sort out the details later. For now we need to get reacquainted properly."

And with that our lips were on one another again. As the fire ripped through me all thoughts of our future plans were lost to the present. For now I wanted nothing more then to be with Embry, my Embry, once again. Whatever happened next would be something we faced together. A choice made by fate that I finally agreed with.


End file.
